NARRATOR
Welcome dear listeners, to the Adventures of Sir Rodney the Root!
SCENE 1. EXT. ROAD TO AMARANTHYNE
Sound: The Companions WALK down a dirt road. Ambient nature sounds.
COLIN
(whiny)
How long til we get there?
EVERYONE ELSE
Oh my gods / Again? / Please / *squeak*
BARD
After a few days of tedious travel north from Briarthorne, the Companions have grown a bit cranky.
CAMILLA
Oh shut up, you.
BARD
Perhaps the murder of Duchess Withershanks weighs heavily on their souls.
GILBERT
I didn't- ugh, would you knock it off with that?!
BARD
Fortunately they are less than a day's walk from Amaranthyne- the capital of the Elven Imperium, the mighty and cultured northern neighbors of Kirkland.
FAENDYR
Wait, less than a day? Already?
GILBERT
What's wrong?
FAENDYR
Nothing. Everything's fine. Why would something be wrong?
CAMILLA
Because you're acting odd... odder than usual, I mean.
FAENDYR
I have been hitting my head a lot. The damage is probably affecting my personality.
KEANU
I'm, like, doing okay though. If anyone was, ya know, wondering or anything.
BIANKA
We're all very happy for you.
KEANU
Like, in case anyone wanted to check in. Cuz, you know, I died. And got put in a dead unicorn. And I have like, no memory of who I was before? Which is kind of a lot.
BIANKA
Oh. Sorry.
KEANU
Yeah.
GILBERT
Do you want to talk about it, Keanu?
KEANU
Not really... Why do you ask?
BARD
To arrive at the crystalline gates of the shining city of Amaranthyne their trip will not be all dappled sunlight and magical horses. Oh no. They must brave the perils of the enchanted Whispering Woods that guard the Imperium's border with Kirkland.
SOUND: Abrupt stop to any AMBIENT pleasant nature sounds.
CONTINUOUS:
SCENE 2. EXT. THE WHISPERING WOODS.
SOUND: Dark, forest-y, sinister. Unintelligible whispers throughout, the vocal equivalent of wind through leaves.
GILBERT
Well. I'm going guess this is the Whispering Woods.
FOREST
Oh wow smart one here / Yes obviously
KEVIN
Squeak
COLIN
It's okay Kevin, I'm scared too.
GILBERT
Hi, Scared I'm--
EVERYONE ELSE & FOREST
DON'T.
FAENDYR
Well. I guess that means we have to turn around.
CAMILLA
It's a bunch of trees.
FAENDYR
You do understand that this forest was enchanted by mages, right? This place does stuff to you. To your head.
KEANU
Niiice.
FAENDYR
I would rather climb down the White Cliffs of Amaranthyne using only a fork than go this way.
BIANKA
Your bravery is truly inspiring.
FAENDYR
I'm sorry, did you miss the bit where I said it DOES STUFF TO YOUR MIND?! And that's not even getting into the rodents of unusual size.
KEVIN
*squeak!*
CAMILLA
Our only other option is to take two weeks to walk the whole way around. The purpose of the Woods is to prevent those of ill intent and weak mind from entering the Imperium. We'll be fine.
KEANU
Huh? Sorry, I zoned out.
CAMILLA
(sigh)
However, that does not mean we should be foolhardy.
SOUND: Mechanical weapon being readied.
BIANKA
I'm locked and loaded. Lead on, Princess.
GILBERT
What's that?
BIANKA
It's a concealable crossbow. Made it myself.
GILBERT
That would have been helpful when we fought that vampire.
BIANKA
I wasn't finished with the prototype yet. Art takes time.
SOUND: CROSSBOW ARROW SHOOTS. HITS tree. BIRDS squawk and fly off.
COLIN
Oooooh!
FOREST
Ow. / Hey / Watch it!
BIANKA
Ooops.
GILBERT
It seems the trigger is a bit sensitive.
BIANKA
You just have to have the good touch. Which I do.
FAENDYR
I've changed my mind; I'd rather be carried off by a giant rat...
SOUND: Faendyr walks off with purpose
GILBERT
Wait, Faendyr! Don't get too far ahead!
SOUND: WOOD CREAKING, VINES, etc, as the forest attacks Faendyr.
FAENDYR
(from further in)
Ow! Hey! Watch it! Not the hair!
GILBERT
Do you need help?
FAENDYR
Incende!
SOUND: FIREBALL. Wood CREAKING, SQUEAKING in pain.
FAENDYR
Like that, huh? There's more where that came from.
CAMILLA
Well. Shall we?
SCENE 3. EXT. WHISPERING WOODS.
SOUND: Same environment as before, with the addition of the Companions walking down a dirt path through the forest.
BARD
And so the brave Sir Rodney leads his cowardly companions into the strange forest.
As they follow the path deeper and deeper through the ominous and sentient trees, the sunlight grows fainter, and the trees reach closer. What dangers lurk in the shadows?
SOUND: Creepy MUSIC, FOREST sounds. ANIMALS. An unsettling atmosphere. Beats between each section to build this sense of foreboding.
FOREST
[Whispers]
COLIN
Who was that?
BIANKA
Wasn't me.
KEANU
Uhh, me neither. I think.
FOREST
[Whispers]
KEANU
Oh yeah, that wasn't me.
SOUND: A groaning sound of trees and dirt shifting. Perhaps the addition of some dark, magical effect.
GILBERT
Uh... Did the path just... change?
FAENDYR
I hate this place so much.
SOUND: A vine snaps at him.
FAENDYR
Hey! You started it, okay?
SOUND: Growling behind them.
CAMILLA
I think it's better if we keep moving forward.
COLIN
Hail and well met, friend!
SOUND: Growl.
COLIN
Oh.
GILBERT
What did it say?
COLIN
That she looks forward to feasting on our desiccated flesh.
BIANKA
Oh, well, in that case.
CAMILLA
Let's move quickly, shall we?
---
FOREST
You'll never impress your father.
GILBERT
Leave me alone...!
---
FOREST
Cabbages...
COLIN
OoooOOOOoooh!
---
FOREST
You've had something in your teeth for a while and no one's mentioned it to you...
FAENDYR
(horrified)
Oh my gods!
FOREST
Haha just kidding. No one has ever loved you...
KEANU
(chewing)
Hey guys, did you know horses are, like, omnivores?
BIANKA
Ew. What do you have in your mouth?
KEANU
No idea my dude.
CAMILLA
Ugh.
COLIN
May I have some, Keanu?
GILBERT
Oh gods. No Colin! Keanu, please spit out whatever that is.
KEANU
(swallows)
Too late.
FAENDYR
Gross.
COLIN
Aw. I wanted some.
CONTINUOUS:
SCENE 4. EXT. GIL'S FOREST VISION.
SOUND: Something magical. Maybe an end to the forest noises? Or perhaps they grow louder. Essentially, each Companion is in their own unsettling vision. Although they are still close together, they can no longer see each other.
GILBERT
You can't just pick things off the ground and eat them, Colin-- Colin?
Wait. Where is everyone. Faendyr? Camilla? Bianka!
RODNEY
Hello, Gil.
GILBERT
Oh my gods!
Where did you come from? You're not in your stick.
RODNEY
It's me, Rodney.
GILBERT
I know who you are.
RODNEY
You only think you do.
GILBERT
What's that supposed to mean?
RODNEY
You'll see.
GILBERT
Oh. This isn't really happening, right? Is this some kind of omen, or is my brain just making up stuff under the influence of the forest?
RODNEY
Yes.
GILBERT
"Yes" to omen or "yes" to imagination?
RODNEY
Yes.
GILBERT
Uh. Okay.
RODNEY
You're smarter than you give yourself credit for.
GILBERT
Um. Thanks?
RODNEY
Watch your back, Gil. I'm rooting for you.[a beat] No pun intended.
GILBERT
Hey Rodney...?
SOUND: The ambiance from before the vision resumes.
GILBERT
Oh. He's gone. Okay. Great.
TRANSITION TO:
SCENE 5. EXT. BIANKA'S FOREST VISION.
SOUND: Same sound as Gil's vision.
BIANKA
Hello? Great. I'm alone in a weird forest. This is... fine. Not creepy at all. It's fine--
DUCHESS WITHERSHANKS
Ah, Mistress Coalbrand...
BIANKA
(startled noise)
SOUND: arrow shooting
DUCHESS WITHERSHANKS
You shot me!
BIANKA
Sorry. But you did sneak up on me in the middle of a creepy forest. And you're already dead, so.
DUCHESS WITHERSHANKS
You're a horrible young woman.
BIANKA
Guilty as charged.
DUCHESS WITHERSHANKS
You murdered me.
BIANKA
That wasn't me. That was Gil.
DUCHESS WITHERSHANKS
On your behest.
BIANKA
Also you were a vampire disguised as Duchess Withershanks, whom you actually did murder... and I'm assuming ate. So you did have it coming.
DUCHESS WITHERSHANKS
You were fully prepared to murder me when you thought I was a helpless, kindly old woman.
BIANKA
There was a little more to it than that.
DUCHESS WITHERSHANKS
I wonder what your friends will think when they discover what it is you really do.
SOUND: BIANKA shoots her again.
DUCHESS WITHERSHANKS
Hey.
BIANKA
Ooops.
DUCHESS WITHERSHANKS
You did that on purpose!
SOUND: She shoots again.
BIANKA
That time I did.
TRANSITION TO:
KEANU'S FOREST VISION (AFTER BIANKA).
SOUND: A fair-ground atmosphere.
KEANU
Uh, hey guys? You seeing this too? Guys....? Woah.
What's that awesome delicious smell?
ANNOUNCER
Are you ready?!
AUDIENCE
Woooooo!!!
KEANU
Oh wow, who would have thought those funny pink meat sticks would smell so good!
ANNOUNCER
On your marks...
KEANU
Woah, are ALL those for me? Nice.
ANNOUNCER
Get set....
KEANU
(it dawns on him)
Hold on. I don't have hands!
ANNOUNCER
EAT!!!
AUDIENCE
WOOOOOOOO!!!!
KEANU
How am I supposed to eat if I don't have hands?! - Wow you guys eat fast - This isn't fair! I'm going to lose because I don't have hands! NooooOOOOooooOOOOOooooooo....!!!
SOUND: His "no"s fade out into an echo...
CAMILLA'S FOREST VISION
CAMILLA
Keanu? Was that you? Where did everyone go off to?
SOUND: Footsteps approach.
PEERLESS
Hello your majesty.
CAMILLA
Ugh. Lord Peerless. Why are you dressed in ermine? You look like an idiot.
PEERLESS
I only wear garments befitting a king. Strange you do not recognize the station of your husband.
CAMILLA
I know what this is. I'm not an idiot. Get your inane vision right, Forest.
PEERLESS
Presumptuous, as always.
CAMILLA
When I am queen, if Lord Peerless is my husband, and this is a very big "if"- he will be a prince, not the King.
PEERLESS
That is assuming you will rule the kingdom.
CAMILLA
How dare you! I am the Crown Princess. I will be the next ruler of Kirkland.
PEERLESS
But then who will care for our twelve children?
SOUND: Babies crying.
CAMILLA
Oh my gods.
PEERLESS
You better go to them.
CAMILLA
I'm not listening to you anymore.
PEERLESS
Take your hands off of your ears.
CAMILLA
What was that? I can't hear you.
PEERLESS
Princess Camilla---
CAMILLA
La la la la la la.
PEERLESS
I have something very important to tell you.
CAMILLA
Pardon? Can't hear you.
PEERLESS
Very well. Farewell, Princess.
SOUND: He disappears.
CAMILLA
Oh. That worked? Alright then.
COLIN'S FOREST VISION
COLIN
Ooooooh.
SOUND: A cabbage falls to the ground.
COLIN
What was that?
SOUND: Another cabbage.
COLIN
(gasp)
Cabbages....!
SOUND: A bunch of cabbages continue to fall, as if it were raining cabbages.
COLIN
Oooooooh...! Gil?! Keanu! Kevin! Help! It's raining cabbages!
SCENE 6. EXT. FAENDYR'S FOREST VISION.
CONSUMER OF FLESH
I can help you.
FAENDYR
Okay, now my staff is talking. That's normal.
CONSUMER OF FLESH
I can help you, Faendyr. But first you must help me. You wish to be respected. To be loved.
FAENDYR
Well, yeah. I mean, don't we all?
CONSUMER OF FLESH
You desire love and a sense of place more than most.
FAENDYR
Just snatch my wig...
CONSUMER OF FLESH
I chose you because of this desire.
FAENDYR
You chose me?
CONSUMER OF FLESH
To be loved, you must be respected. To be respected, you must have power. I can give you this power. But you must trust me.
FAENDYR
Okay, cool. I mean, obviously this isn't real. This is just the Woods messing with my head, yeah?
CONSUMER OF FLESH
If that is how your mind must process this, then so be it.
FAENDYR
So... that's a 'no' then?
CONSUMER OF FLESH
You must keep me safe. There are others who want me. The Imperium. The Keepers. That witch. They don't understand what I can do, what I am. You must keep me out of their hands.
FAENDYR
The Keepers? What in the Infernal Plane is that?
CONSUMER OF FLESH
They are the ones in the shadows, pulling strings they have no right to touch.
FAENDYR
Um. Okay. The thing is, keeping you is kind of a problem.
CONSUMER OF FLESH
The choice is yours, elf.
FAENDYR
I think you're pretty cool... awesome, even. My magic is like 200% better with you.
But we made a deal with Gwendolyn. That's why we're doing this whole crazy thing.
CONSUMER OF FLESH
Is that why you chose this journey, Faendyr?
FAENDYR
Not entirely.
CONSUMER OF FLESH
If you wish to help Sir Gilbert return his lover to life then, by all means, hand me over to the witch.
FAENDYR
Oh. Gil and Rodney, huh? Wow. Okay.
CONSUMER OF FLESH
Does he know why you left Amaranthyne?
FAENDYR
No. No one does.
CONSUMER OF FLESH
What do you think will happen to you if you walk up to the gates with your Companions?
FAENDYR
Nothing great, that's for sure.
CONSUMER OF FLESH
We want the same things, Faendyr. But if you surrender me to anyone, understand--
SOUND: Distant trumpets.
CONSUMER OF FLESH
I must leave you. The spell has been broken.
FAENDYR
Wait! What's going on?
CONSUMER OF FLESH
Remember what I said.
SCENE 7. WHISPERING WOODS.
SOUND: The "normal" Whispering Wood ambiance resumes. Colin runs up.
COLIN
Faendyr! There you are!
SOUND: Colin hugs Faendyr
FAENDYR
Hey Colin-- oh. You're hugging my waist.
COLIN
I thought I'd never see you again!
SOUND: Everyone else walks up.
BIANKA
That was weird, right?
CAMILLA
Extremely.
COLIN
There were so many cabbages...!
GILBERT
I saw Rodney. I mean, out of his root.
FAENDYR
(trying to sound normal)
Oh yeah? What did he say?
GILBERT
Not a lot, really.
CAMILLA
I saw Peerless as King. As if I wouldn't kill him before that happened.
KEANU
There were a bunch of unicorns. But they were uuuuuuh, like, in cages? That's weird right?
SOUND: DISTANT trumpets.
CAMILLA
There's that noise again.
COLIN
What is it?
GILBERT
Faendyr, what do your elf ears hear?
FAENDYR
(harsh)
You guys do realize that just because my ears are pointed, I don't automatically hear better than humans, right?
GILBERT
You okay?
FAENDYR
Sorry. I'm a little on edge.
KEANU
You guys do remember I'm a unicorn right? You could've asked me.
COLIN
What did you hear, Keanu?
KEANU
I don't remember now.
SOUND: TRUMPETS again
KEANU
Now I remember! It's um, oh shoot. You know when people like... blow through this metal tube thing? To, like, uhhh... make noise?
COLIN
Trumpets?
KEANU
No that's not it.
COLIN
Frogs?
KEANU
Maybe?
CAMILLA
It's the ramparts of Amaranthyne. We must be close.
GILBERT
Thank the gods. Let's go!
FAENDYR
Hey, uh. I'm gonna stay here.
GILBERT
What? Why?
FAENDYR
Just... elf stuff.
GILBERT
What are you talking about?
FAENDYR
Elf stuff! You know! ... I gotta... meditate.
BIANKA
In the Whispering Woods?
KEANU
Dude, if you gotta poop just say so.
FAENDYR
Ew! No!
KEANU
Dude, it's cool. I poop like, wherevs. Nobody cares.
FAENDYR
Because you're a horse!... And I don't have to!
KEANU
Okay, bud. Whatever you say. Wink.
FAENDYR
I'm not talking to you anymore. To everyone else: You go ahead. I'll stay here.
COLIN
We shouldn't split the party!
FAENDYR
I'm not moving from this spot. Colliga me! [KALL-ee-GAH may]
SOUND: Magic. Ropes.
COLIN
Oooooh!
GILBERT
Did you just tie yourself to a tree with magical rope?
FAENDYR
... Obviously.
GILBERT
Why?
FAENDYR
I thought it would be dramatic.
CAMILLA
Oh my gods.
KEANU
I get it, bro.
CAMILLA
If you're going to be child Faendyr, so be it. Come along, everyone.
FAENDYR
Don't take too long finding the relic though, okay?
CAMILLA
(grimly)
I make no guarantees. Shall we?
BIANKA
After you, your majesty.
SOUND: Walking away
FAENDYR
Wait wait wait!
COLIN
Yes?
KEANU
What's up, man?
FAENDYR
No, you guys keep walking, I want to talk to Gil.
SOUND: The others walk off
Scene 10.2
GILBERT
What is it?
FAENDYR
I just want to say...
GILBERT
Yes?
FAENDYR
The time we've spent together has been really important to me.
GILBERT
Yeah me too.
FAENDYR
Especially because-- well, I just want to say...
GILBERT
Yes...?
FAENDYR
Can you take Fleshy for me?
GILBERT
What?
FAENDYR
Sorry, Ol' Flesh Eater...? The staff?
GILBERT
Oh. Sure.
FAENDYR
I have to admit, I've gotten kind of attached--
GILBERT
Yeah?
FAENDYR
To the staff.
GILBERT
Of course, that's what I thought you were going to say.
FAENDYR
I want you to take good care of it, in case something happens.
GILBERT
Faendyr, what's going on? What do you think is going to happen?
FAENDYR
I... I can't tell you. I'm sorry.
GILBERT
I'm sorry too.
FAENDYR
Can you get it though? I'm uh, kinda tied up at the moment.
GILBERT
Sure.
SOUND: GIL picks up the staff.
FAENDYR
Don't give it to anyone.
GILBERT
Of course.
FAENDYR
I mean anyone.
GILBERT
Okay.
FAENDYR
You better get going.
GILBERT
Yeah. See you later.
FAENDYR
I'll be here.
That's a joke. Because I'm tied up?
GILBERT
No, I got it.
FAENDYR
You didn't laugh though.
GILBERT
Bye, Faendyr.
SOUND: Gil walking away
FAENDYR
Bye!
SOUND: Woods creaking. Maybe a cricket.
FAENDYR
Well. This is. Fun.
SCENE 8. EXT. GATES OF AMARANTHYNE.
BARD
And so the - shall we call them "brave" - Companions arrive in the capital city of the Elven Imperium: Amaranthyne. Finally.
The prosperous city bustles with the sounds of a thousand inhabitants from across the continent going about their lives.
And above it all, its towers scraping the clouds, is the gleaming palace of the Eternal Empress.
But not all may enter. The crystalline complex is surrounded by the White Cliffs, traversed only by a single, gated bridge.
To journey on, the Companions must face their most arduous challenge yet: Customs.
GUARD
What's with the talking horse?
COLIN
He's a unicorn!
KEANU
It's okay, my dude. I think I'm a horse sometimes myself, too.
CAMILLA
How do you not recognize a unicorn?
GUARD
I'm a palace guard, not a College professor. Like all humans are into cheese.
COLIN
Who has cheese?
SOUND: Gil walks up
GILBERT
Did I miss anything?
COLIN
Where is the cheese?!
GUARD
Wait, who's this?
CAMILLA
There you are. This is Sir Gilbert Wyvernguard.
COLIN
You can't bring up cheese and not give me any!
GUARD
You're the Chicken Affair guy!
GILBERT
(uncomfortable)
Yep, that's me.
BIANKA
What did Stretch want? Wait, why do you have the staff?
GILBERT
That's what he wanted.
BIANKA
You look like you're awkwardly holding a dragon. You want me to take it?
GILBERT
I would love to, this thing gives me the creeps, but Faendyr wants me to have it. He was... very insistent.
BIANKA
Your call, Sir Knight.
GUARD
Wait a moment. I didn't see you down there, dwarf.
BIANKA
Oh ha ha.
GUARD
You're Bianka Coalbrand.
BIANKA
I see my reputation precedes me.
GUARD
It does. You may not enter the Imperial Palace without written dispensation.
BIANKA
Seriously?!
CAMILLA
Bianka works for me. She is an indispensable part of my retinue as the Crown Princess of Kirkland.
GUARD
Sorry, but she can't enter the palace.
CAMILLA
I would hate for you to get into trouble with your superiors for causing an international incident with your most powerful ally.
GUARD
"Most powerful" is kind of a stretch...
CAMILLA
My father started an international incident over a chicken. It's unwise to upset the royal family of Kirkland. We are petty and have long memories.
GUARD
Sorry. Rules are rules.
CAMILLA
(sighs, annoyed)
SOUND: book opening, writing, paper tearing
CAMILLA
Oh look, what's this? A written dispensation allowing Bianka Coalbrand to enter the Palace from the High Princess and Heir to the Throne of Kirkland.
BIANKA
How convenient.
GUARD
Very well. But you will be held accountable for her actions.
CAMILLA
I assure you, there will be no trouble.
BIANKA
Uh, yep, what she said.
GUARD
I'm afraid I can't make an exception for the um, unicorn.
COLIN
But he talks.
GUARD
Even if he talks. We have a strict rule barring farm animals in court. As a result of the Chicken Affair, in fact.
KEANU
It's okay, lil man. I'll be fine out here.
GUARD
Oh, no! We will provide a stable for you, of course. We have the finest stable-hands in the whole of Ilsylian, and we import luxury hay from across the Glass Sea. You will be very comfortable, I assure you.
KEANU
Niiiiice! Sign me up. I've only been a horse for like, two weeks now though. Just to warn you.
GUARD
Ah, here's the stable hand now. Enjoy your stay.
AS THEY WALK AWAY:
KEANU
Thanks, bro! Be good, Colin.
STABLE HAND
Oh gods, you can talk??
KEANU
Wait, you can talk?! Oh, no, people are supposed to. Haha, nevermind.
GUARD
As for the rest of you, please this way.
SCENE 9. INT. THE EMPRESS' THRONE ROOM.
MUSIC and SOUND: A transition with COURTLY SOUNDS, live MUSIC, sparkly elven stuff.
SOUND: A large door OPENS. The live elements get louder as the Companions enter.
GILBERT
Oh wow.
COLIN
Ooooooooh!
BIANKA
Okay, seeing this, I kind of get why elves are the way they are, you know?
COURTIER
Behold her supreme majesty, The Eternal Empress, Keeper of the Immortal Flame, Guardian of the Diamond Throne, Patron of the Amaranthian Domain--
BIANKA
Just meeting the most powerful person in the world. Cool cool cool.
COURTIERS
*Displeased, shocked noises*
CAMILLA
Forgive my companion, Empress. She is unused to such pomp and circumstance.
BIANKA
Yeah, this is really not my kind of venue. I'm more of a street-and-bar type of woman... I'm going to be quiet now.
ETERNAL EMPRESS
You are fortunate, mortals. Few of your kind are permitted into the heart of our Empire, to lay eyes on the seat of our eternal power--
COLIN
Hail and well met! I've never seen an elf before!
COURTIERS
*more displeased, shocked noises*
GILBERT
Faendyr is an elf.
COLIN
Is he?
CAMILLA
Colin! Don't you need to take Kevin outside?
KEVIN
Squeak.
COLIN
He's good.
CAMILLA
Take. Him. Outside.
COLIN
Okay!
SOUND: Colin walks away.
CAMILLA
Empress, I send greetings from the throne of Kirkland--
COLIN
(from further away)
Hello door-elves! Please let me out!
SOUND: Doors opening.
CAMILLA
I am--
COLIN
Ooooh! They opened the doors for me when I asked! Did you guys see?
CAMILLA
I am--
COLIN
Did you see?
GILBERT
Yes, Colin, we saw.
CAMILLA
I'll wait.
COLIN
Bye friends!
SOUND: DOORS start to CLOSE
CAMILLA
I am--
COLIN
You must not have heard me. I said "bye"
BIANKA, GIL, CAMILLA
Goodbye Colin!
COLIN
Kevin says bye too.
CAMILLA
Close the door!
COLIN
I love you!
SOUND: DOORS CLOSING
Scene 12.2
CAMILLA
I am the Crown Princess Camilla, daughter of Alfred the King, duchess of Brador and heir to the throne of Kirkland.
ETERNAL EMPRESS
Yes, I am aware of who you are. I extend my greetings to your father. Who is the knight?
GILBERT
Sir Gilbert Wyvernguard, your majesty.
ETERNAL EMPRESS
A Wyvernguard rose to distinction in the war against the Trance Worm. A relative?
GILBERT
Yes, majesty. My grandmother Vera of Lakewallow.
ETERNAL EMPRESS
I remember her. A brave and supremely skilled woman. Her son also became a renowned warrior did he not?
GILBERT
(rather not talk about this)
Yeah. My father.
ETERNAL EMPRESS
You come from a storied line, Sir Gilbert. What boasts may you proclaim?
GILBERT
Um. Well. I'm the third best knight in Kirkland. After Peerless and Rodney.
CAMILLA
With respect, Empress, we did not make the long journey to your court to discuss Sir Gilbert's family.
ETERNAL EMPRESS
Of course. What brings you--
SOUND: Doors opening, hurried FOOTSTEPS
COURTIERS
(surprised, intrigued noises)
CAMILLA
I swear to the gods, if I turn around and it's Colin--
GUARD
Your supreme majesty!
ETERNAL EMPRESS
What is it?
GUARD
We found the fugitive.
ETERNAL EMPRESS
Bring him before me!
GUARD
Bring him to the Empress!
SOUND: Guards WALKING, CHAINS.
COURTIERS
(shocked noises. Maybe whispering like "it's the Empress' brother." "Is that Faendyr?" "I can't believe it" )
Scene 12.3
GUARD
We found him tied to a tree outside the ramparts, your majesty.
CAMILLA
Oh no.
GILBERT
Faendyr?!
FAENDYR
Oh, hey guys. How's it goin'?
BARD
Oh my. It looks like Faendyr has gotten himself into a bit of trouble. But how? And will the Companions finally get their greedy little hands on the final relic? Find out next time on THE ADVENTURES OF SIR RODNEY THE ROOT!
CREDITS
BLOOPER
SILVER
(As Gil)
Do you need help?
TATUM
.... Somebody help me. (laugher) InSENday?
LAURA
In-KEN-day
TATUM
Incende!
