NARRATOR
Welcome dear listeners, to the Adventures of Sir Rodney the Root!
SCENE 1. OUTSIDE JADE REACH.
Same environment as previously.
BIANKA
RUN YOU IDIOTS!
KEEPERS
Come back here! Stop this instant!
SOUND: The companions all start running
KEANU
We'd rather not, if that's okay!
COLIN
Where are we going?
BIANKA
I don't know, but we need to get the you know what out of here.
COLIN
I know what what?
WAELYNN
(from behind them)
Incende!
SOUND: A fireball flies through the air and lands near them
COMPANIONS
Woah!/ Ohhhh/ etc
GILBERT
Are they shooting fireballs at us?!
CAMILLA
It certainly seems like it!
SOUND: Fireball again, closer this time.
GILBERT
Woah!
CAMILLA
Faendyr! Cast a portal and get us out of here!
FAENDYR
Oh. Oh yeah!
Uh... where to?
GILBERT
Anywhere!
FAENDYR
I mean I can't do anywhere, we might end up like underground or in space or something.
SOUND: Another fireball
GILBERT
Just pick somewhere!
KEEPER RICHARD
Stop this instant!
KEEPER WEALYNN
Release the Relic!
BIANKA
Any time now would be great!
CAMILLA
Faendyr!!
FAENDYR
I CAN'T CAST A PORTAL WHEN YOU'RE YELLING AT ME!
SCENE 2. EXT. KIRKLAND CASTLE. ZOOLOGICAL GARDENS.
The castle grounds, afternoon. A group of goats does their goat business in an inclosure nearby.
KING ALFRED
Willis! ... Willis! Willis, I'm in the zoological gardens and I require you!
Where is that man. Willllliiis!
SOUND: Willis runs over, footsteps on gravel.
WILLIS
Yes, sire?
KING ALFRED
There you are Willis! I was calling you, what took you so long?
WILLIS
I was... using the facilities, sire.
KING ALFRED
That's no excuse. I had to wait a full fifteen seconds.
WILLIS
It was... urgent, sire.
KING ALFRED
You may not use the facilities when I require you, Willis.
WILLIS
But sire, you did not require me when I took my leave.
KING ALFRED
Well, yes I didn't need you then! But I needed you right after!
WILLIS
I apologize, sire.
KING ALFRED
In the future it would be better to just hold it in, hm?
WILLIS
I-- Yes, sire. It won't happen again.
KING ALFRED
See that it doesn't.
WILLIS
What do you require, your majesty?
KING ALFRED
Hm?
WILLIS
You said you needed me.
KING ALFRED
I did?
WILLIS
Yes, sire.
KING ALFRED
Hm. Oh! Yes! The royal goats have defecated in their enclosure.
It distresses me to have to look upon such filth. Please clean it up.
WILLIS
I'll call the stable hand.
KING ALFRED
No no no. I need you to do it. Immediately.
SCENE 3. OUTSIDE JADE REACH.
SOUND: Fireball, very close
BIANKA
Not to be dramatic, but we're going to die or worse if you don't get us out of here immediately.
FAENDYR
I'm working on it, okay?
SOUND: Bad portal
FAENDYR
Nope.
SOUND: Bad portal.
FAENDYR
Nope!
SOUND: Bad portal.
CAMILLA
Sooner rather than later would be preferable, Faendyr!
FAENDYR
I can't run and cast at the same time!
GILBERT
Not to put any more pressure on you but that's kind of a problem because if we stop moving, we're dead.
FAENDYR
Well, I don't know what it is exactly you want me to do about that!
KEANU
My dudes, it's okay. I can distract them. You get out of here.
GILBERT
No Keanu, that's not an option.
SOUND: Fireball, closer than it's been.
COLIN
Ooooh!
KEANU
Gil, let me do this. You guys saved me, you gave me another chance at life. Let me do the same for you.
KEVIN
*squeak*
KEANU
Keep an eye on Colin for me, Kevin!
KEVIN
*squeak*
COLIN
Keanu, what are you saying?
KEANU
Fly, my dudes!
SOUND: Keanu runs away (towards the Keepers).
KEANU
(from a distance)
Hey! You! Uhhh, look at me! I'm a talking unicorn! Raaaaaaaahhhhhhhh
COLIN
Nooooooooooooooooooo!
SOUND: Portal opening.
SAD MUSICAL INTERLUDE
SCENE 4. EXT. KIRKLAND CASTLE. ZOOLOGICAL GARDENS.
WILLIS
No.
KING ALFRED
Excuse me?
WILLIS
No!
KING ALFRED
I'm sorry, I must not have heard what you said.
WILLIS
I said "no." Sire.
KING ALFRED
(deadly)
That's what I thought.
Well, well, Willis. The day has finally come.
WILLIS
W-what day, sire?
KING ALFRED
The day when you finally betray me.
WILLIS
Oh, no, sire. I'm not betraying you.
KING ALFRED
And you have the gall to deny it. This is what we have come to.
WILLIS
It's just that it is not my job to... to pick up... goat poop. Sire.
KING ALFRED
Your job is to do whatever I say it is, Willis!
WILLIS
I'm sorry sire, but there are some lines I will not cross.
KING ALFRED
I can't believe this. After everything I've ever done for you!
WILLIS
With respect your majesty, you haven't really done that much for me.
KING ALFRED
How dare you! I gave you a day off when your mother died!
WILLIS
It would have taken three days to travel to the funeral and back, sire.
KING ALFRED
Well that wasn't my problem!
WILLIS
And when my father died?
KING ALFRED
I had already given you the day off for your mother!
What was I supposed to do? Give you another day off?!
WILLIS
Yes.
KING ALFRED
My gods.
Fine. What are you going to do with me?
WILLIS
I'm sorry, sire?
KING ALFRED
Are you going to lock me up?
WILLIS
What?
KING ALFRED
Kill me?
WILLIS
I don't understand.
KING ALFRED
Well, clearly this is coup!
WILLIS
No, it isn't sire. I simply don't wish to handle goat droppings, that's all.
KING ALFRED
You have some big gall, son. Big gall.
WILLIS
Oh my gods.
SCENE 5. EXT. RIPPLING BROOK.
Same environment as always. Farm animals. Brook. Etc.
SOUND: PORTAL OPENS.
CAMILLA
Rippling Brook again?
COLIN
*ugly sobbing*
FAENDYR
You'd rather be on the bottom of the Glass Sea? You're welcome.
SOUND: Fabric burning.
GILBERT
Faendyr? You're on fire.
FAENDYR
Thanks.
GILBERT
No, I mean you are literally on fire.
FAENDYR
Wonderful! Fantastic! This is an antique, you know.
SOUND: He pats it out.
BIANKA
You okay?
FAENDYR
No, I'm not okay! And neither is Keanu!
COLIN
*wailing*
FAENDYR
Bianka must have told them I have a Relic! They know I have Fleshy!
BIANKA
I didn't! I swear to the gods, I didn't tell them.
CAMILLA
We need to figure out what we're going to do.
FAENDYR
You believe her??!
CAMILLA
I have no reason not to.
FAENDYR
EXCUSE ME? Then what was that back there?
GILBERT
Calm down.
FAENDYR
Don't tell me to calm down, Gil!
GILBERT
I'm sorry.
FAENDYR
I thought you of all people were on my side!
GILBERT
I am on your side. You're just acting a little strange.
FAENDYR
You know what? Screw this.
SOUND: He casts a portal
GILBERT
Faendyr, wait! Don't go.
FAENDYR
I'm out.
GILBERT
Faendyr! Please!
SOUND: The portal closes.
GILBERT
Oh come on!
CAMILLA
Well that was a bit much, I must say. Even for Faendyr.
COLIN
Where did he go?
GILBERT
How should I know?!
... I'm sorry, Colin. I shouldn't have snapped at you.
COLIN
It's okay. We're all upset right now.
BIANKA
I'm really sorry. I didn't mean for it to go down like this.
GILBERT
So. What do we do now? Keanu is gone. And Faendyr is who-knows-where with the staff.
We have nothing. We were so close! And now it's all gone. We've failed Rodney. I failed Rodney.
CAMILLA
Gil, none of this is your fault.
GILBERT
I could have done something. I should have stayed behind instead of Keanu.
Then none of this would have happened.
CAMILLA
You don't know that.
BIANKA
Actually... here.
GILBERT
What's this?
BIANKA
It's the Hungering Band. I switched it with another box. Keeper Richard had it in his pocket like an idiot.
CAMILLA
When?
BIANKA
When we were talking.
CAMILLA
How?
BIANKA
I told you I'm good.
SOUND: Gil OPENS the box. A menacing hum.
GILBERT
Gods, this stuff makes me uncomfortable.
SOUND: He CLOSES it. The hum stops.
KEVIN
*squeak*
BIANKA
I know it doesn't fix all our problems. But at least it's something.
COLIN
And Kevin says he has some of Keanu's hair.
(choked up)
He used it to make a nest.
CAMILLA
Thank you, Kevin.
KEVIN
*squeaks*
COLIN
He says you're welcome.
BIANKA
Hey kid. I'm sure Keanu is okay. The Keepers wouldn't hurt a unicorn.
COLIN
I hope you're right.
BIANKA
I know I am.
GILBERT
(sotto)
Really?
BIANKA
(sotto)
No.
GILBERT
(sotto)
Oh.
CAMILLA
We're only a day from Fools Haven. I say we give Gwendolyn what we have and regroup at the Capital.
GILBERT
I have a feeling she's not going to be too happy about us not having the staff.
CAMILLA
Well, there's nothing we can do about that right now. And I don't think Faendyr will stay away for too long. I'm sure he'll come back when he's cooled off.
GILBERT
I don't know. He seemed really upset.
CAMILLA
Don't be dense. He fancies you, Gil. He'll be back.
GILBERT
What about the unicorn for King Alfred? That's the whole reason we're on this crazy, labyrinthine quest.
CAMILLA
If you recall, my original plan was to affix a cattle horn onto a horse. He'll never know the difference.
SOUND: Horse WHINNY
BIANKA
Speaking of unicorns...
CAMILLA
Wait a moment. That looks like one of Peerless' horses.
GILBERT
Could be. He rents land in the country to graze them.
CAMILLA
Even better. Shall we?
COLIN
Hail and well met, friend!
SOUND: HORSE WHINNY
COLIN
Likewise. How would you like to be a unicorn?
SOUND: Walking up
HEAD VILLAGER
Hail and well met-- Oh no! No no no. How are you back? Please, go away!
GILBERT
Give it a rest, we're leaving.
CAMILLA
But not because you said so! We were leaving before you said anything.
HEAD VILLAGER
Wait, you can't take that horse, it belongs to Lord Peerless!
CAMILLA
Perfect.
HEAD VILLAGER
He'll be very mad!
BIANKA
That sounds like more of a "you" problem.
HEAD VILLAGER
Oh. Okay.
SOUND: Horse whinny
COLIN
You're right, he is a pushover.
SCENE 6. EXT. KIRKLAND CASTLE. ZOOLOGICAL GARDENS.
Sound: Same as before, but the goats are louder.
KING ALFRED
Well, Willis! What now? You've imprisoned me in the goats' enclosure. Come, don't be a pushover!
WILLIS
I did no such thing, sire. You locked yourself in there.
KING ALFRED
To escape from you, you mad man!
WILLIS
Please sire, come out of there.
KING ALFRED
I shan't.
WILLIS
Please, sire.
KING ALFRED
The goats are my subjects now.
SOUND: Goat bleats.
KING ALFRED
I've named this one Lord Willis.
WILLIS
(wounded)
You've made him a lord?
KING ALFRED
Yes, because he would never betray me unlike some people I could mention!
SOUND: Plop.
KING ALFRED
Oh. Oh dear. Lord Willis has relieved himself on the royal slippers.
WILLIS
Perhaps you should ask him to clean it up.
KING ALFRED
I'm sure he will.
WILLIS
I have no doubt, sire. After all, you made him a lord.
KING ALFRED
Lord Willis, clean up your... droppings.
SOUND: Bleat.
WILLIS
It appears that he refuses, sire.
KING ALFRED
Lord Willis! I command you!
SOUND: Munching.
KING ALFRED
No, Lord Willis! I didn't say eat my robe. Oh dear.
WILLIS
He's a hungry fella.
KING ALFRED
Willis--
WILLIS
Me, or the goat, sire?
KING ALFRED
You! Obviously!
I have grown tired of ruling these goats. I have decided to abdicate this throne and return to ruling Kirkland.
SOUND: He tries to open the gate, but it's locked.
KING ALFRED
Hm. The gate won't open.
WILLIS
That's because you locked it, sire. And gave me the key.
KING ALFRED
Well well well. We meet again, my old adversary.
WILLIS
Please, sire.
KING ALFRED
I will have to think of what to do with you when I get out of here.
WILLIS
But, sire! I've done nothing wrong!
KING ALFRED
Oh! Oh! Nothing!
WILLIS
Sire, may I humbly suggest a compromise?
KING ALFRED
A king does not compromise with lower-borns.
SOUND: Plop.
KING ALFRED
Very well, I'm listening.
WILLIS
In exchange for you magnanimously forgiving my indiscretion--
KING ALFRED
You mean your heartless coup.
WILLIS
My...
(sigh)
heartless coup... I will give you the key.
KING ALFRED
Hm. What's in it for me?
SOUND: Munch.
KING ALFRED
Ah yes. I see. Very well, Willis. I accept your terms.
WILLIS
Here you are, sire.
SOUND: Key dropping.
KING ALFRED
Ooops.
SOUND: Munching.
KING ALFRED
Lord Willis! Nooooooooooooooo!
WILLIS
He appears to have eaten the key, sire.
KING ALFRED
I can see that!!!
WILLIS
It would seem that you're stuck in there with the goats, sire. I'm sure Lord Willis will help you.
KING ALFRED
I doubt it! He betrayed me.
WILLIS
That is... unless...
KING ALFRED
Unless, what Willis?
WILLIS
If you make me Lord Willis, I will get the spare key from the stable hand.
KING ALFRED
I can just call for the stable hand myself.
WILLIS
Well, yes, sire, you could. That is if she weren't avoiding you.
KING ALFRED
Whatever for?
WILLIS
She's worried you will rename her like you did Billy.
KING ALFRED
What's her name?
WILLIS
Jennifer, sire.
KING ALFRED
What kind of name is that?!
Ah. I see.
Willis. I have an idea. If I grant you the title of Lord, will you get the spare key?
WILLIS
Hm. I don't know, sire...
KING ALFRED
I'll even start paying you!
WILLIS
Very well, sire... If you insist.
SCENE 7. EXT. OUTSIDE GWENDOLYN'S HUT.
GILBERT
Well. This is it. Gwendolyn's... hut. Is it rude to call it a hut? Oh gods I hope she can't hear me.
KEVIN
*squeak*
SOUND: Horse WHINNY
COLIN
Kevin doesn't like this place. And neither does Genevieve.
GILBERT
Who is Genevieve?
SOUND: HORSE WHINNY
GILBERT
Of course.
BIANKA
Don't worry Colin. Camilla and Gil can talk to the witch. We'll wait back here, okay?
COLIN
Okay...
CAMILLA
Well. Shall we?
GILBERT
After you.
CAMILLA
No, after you.
GILBERT
Please, I insist.
BIANKA
Oh my gods. I'll do it.
SOUND: Bianka WALKS up to the door. KNOCKS. It creaks open immediately.
BIANKA
Oh gods.
GWENDOLYN
Hiya!
SOUND: Gilbert walks up, Camilla follows.
GILBERT
Hello... um, ma'am.
GWENDOLYN
Oh! It's you! Took you long enough.
CAMILLA
Yes, well, we ran into some... complications.
GWENDOLYN
Adventuring is like that, isn't it? Nothin' worth doin' is ever easy! ... What happened to the tall one with the hair?
Oh! Was he turned into a dwarf?
BIANKA
No, ma'am. I'm Bianka. I'm a completely different person.
GWENDOLYN
Ah. You're in trouble, aren't you?
BIANKA
I hope not.
GWENDOLYN
Oh no, you are. Better watch your back. That is, unless you want it to get stabbed.
BIANKA
Um, okay.
GWENDOLYN
And I mean literally stabbed.
BIANKA
Okay.
GWENDOLYN
Until you die.
BIANKA
Thanks.
GWENDOLYN
From being stabbed.
BIANKA
No, I... I get it. I'm gonna... I'm gonna check on Colin.
COLIN
(from further back)
Kevin and I are fine!
GWENDOLYN
Stab stab. To death.
BIANKA
Better check anyway.
SOUND: Bianka quickly WALKS away.
GILBERT
Here, Gwendolyn, this is for you.
GWENDOLYN
Oh! Oh ho! Come to mama!
SOUND: She opens the box. A menacing hum.
GWENDOLYN
Mm. Sorry sweetie, I just see a ring here... and a rat's nest?
GILBERT
It's, um, unicorn hair.
GWENDOLYN
Where's the staff?
CAMILLA
That's all we are able to give you at this time.
SOUND: Box snapping shut.
GWENDOLYN
That's... hm. That's a wee bit problematic for me.
GILBERT
There were extenuating circumstances.
GWENDOLYN
A deal's a deal, bucko.
CAMILLA
We'll get the staff.
GWENDOLYN
Where is it?
CAMILLA
We're not exactly sure at this particular moment.
GWENDOLYN
Well ya better hop to it then, Missy! The longer this takes, the harder it is for me to return that fish to human form.
GILBERT
Root.
GWENDOLYN
I don't follow.
Anywho, if you would please get off my doorstep I have some really important persons I'm distilling.
GILBERT
Do you mean potions?
GWENDOLYN
No.
SOUND: Door SLAM.
CAMILLA
I'm very tired of people slamming doors in our faces.
SOUND: Door creaks OPEN.
GWENDOLYN
And don't come back until you have the staff!
SOUND: Slam.
SOUND: Bianka and Colin join them.
BIANKA
She's... charming.
CAMILLA
Let's get this horse to my father. I'm dying for a warm bath.
COLIN
I thought the horse was for the king?
CAMILLA
My father is the king.
COLIN
Wait... does that mean you're a princess?
GILBERT
Come on, Colin.
SCENE 8. INT. THRONE ROOM.
Reminicant of earlier episodes: courtiers mingle and talk about cheese, a harpsicord plays. The door opens, and the Companions approach.
KING ALFRED
Ah, welcome home, Camilla!
CAMILLA
Hello, Father.
KING ALFRED
Everyone look! The Princess has returned home!
KING ALFRED
And my third best knight, Gilbert! And dear, dear Sir Rodney! How is he?
GILBERT
He's... um, fine.
KING ALFRED
Still a stick, I see.
CAMILLA
We're working on it.
KING ALFRED
But where is the bard?
CAMILLA, GILBERT AND BIANKA
Oh yeah.
COLIN
Whomst?
CAMILLA
He died. Very painfully too, I might add.
SOUND: The new bard, startled, stops playing with a crash of notes.
KING ALFRED
Ah well. It isn't as if bards aren't thick on the ground.
Lord Willis! Put out a hiring notice.
WILLIS
Yes, sire.
CAMILLA
"Lord" Willis?
KING ALFRED
Yes, I've given him a title.
CAMILLA
Whatever for?
KING ALFRED
It's... a long story.
Did Master Faendyr die too?
COLIN
Maybe?
GILBERT
No.
BIANKA
Hey, princess didn't you want to tell your father something important about him? About his... job?
CAMILLA
It turns out that Master Faendyr...
He's on an important arcane research expedition.
BIANKA
Mm 'kay.
KING ALFRED
Ooooh! Jeffrey will be so jealous.
And who might you be?
BIANKA
I'm Bianka Coalbrand. At your service.
And just let me know if you need anything stolen. Not to brag, but I'm really good.
KING ALFRED
Mistress Coalbrand, would you perhaps be able to steal a castle? I'm... asking for a friend.
BIANKA
Like an entire building?
KING ALFRED
Obviously.
BIANKA
... No.
KING ALFRED
Too bad. How about a herd of cattle?
BIANKA
Yeah, I could swing that.
KING ALFRED
Perfect! Write that down, Lord Willis!
WILLIS
Yes, sire.
COLIN
Hail and well met, friend! I'm Colin. I'm one hundred and seven!
KING ALFRED
You're very small for your age. Are you a gnome?
COLIN
Yes.
GILBERT
No, sire. He's a human child.
COLIN
I was kidnapped by faeries!
KING ALFRED
Oh, congratulations!
SOUND: WHINNY
KING ALFRED
But what's this?
CAMILLA
It's a unicorn, father.
KING ALFRED
It is?
GILBERT
Of course, sire. Note the horn.
BIANKA
Now, was there a reward, or...?
COLIN
I like to think the real reward was the friends we made along the way.
BIANKA
Don't take this the wrong way Colin, but please shut up.
KING ALFRED
I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but I'm afraid you've been duped.
GILBERT
Uh...
CAMILLA
That's not possible.
KING ALFRED
I know this is embarrassing, yikes. But this is but a common Equus caballus with a horn stuck on with spirit gum.
GILBERT
Oh my gods.
COLIN
Ooooooh!
KING ALFRED
Well, better luck next time.
BIANKA
Yikes.
CAMILLA
I can't believe this.
GILBERT
I don't think this day could possibly get any worse.
SOUND: The door is thrown open, and Peerless approaches, his chainmaille rattling as he walks.
KING ALFRED
Oh! Lord Peerless!
COURTIERS
(oooh Lord Peerless)
KING ALFRED
No need to worry, the Princess has returned home of her own accord!
LORD PEERLESS
Why does one of my horses have a horn glued to its head?
CAMILLA
None of your business.
LORD PEERLESS
It's literally my business.
GILBERT
Jimothy.
LORD PEERLESS
Gilbert.
LORD PEERLESS
Why do you wear a stick on your personage clothed in Sir Rodney's coat of arms?
GILBERT
It's a root.
LORD PEERLESS
You didn't answer my question. But you matter little in the scheme of things. Willis! Send for a cleric. I shall marry Camilla immediately.
COURTIERS
(surprised murmuring)
WILLIS
Very well, Lord Peerless.
CAMILLA
Willis! You shall do no such thing!
WILLIS
Yes, Princess Camilla.
LORD PEERLESS
Willis! Listen to me!
WILLIS
Uhhh...
CAMILLA
I am the Crown Princess, Willis!!
WILLIS
Mmmm... uh...
LORD PEERLESS
Willis! Get. The. Cleric!
WILLIS
I can't handle all this pressure!
CAMILLA
I'd rather you die than we wed.
LORD PEERLESS
Usually it's "I'd rather die"
CAMILLA
Yes. You would rather die. Because I will kill you myself.
BIANKA
Sorry, handsome, sounds like the lady really isn't interested.
LORD PEERLESS
Who are you?
BIANKA
Your worst nightmare.
KING ALFRED
I'm sure you're eager for your nuptials, Lord Peerless, but only the king may decide when the crown princess shall wed.
LORD PEERLESS
As loath as I am to admit it, you are correct. However, there is a technicality I must mention. I am the king now.
COURTIERS
(shocked murmuring)
CAMILLA
How dare you!
KING ALFRED
No, silly, I'm the king-- oh wait, I see what's going on! This is a coup, right? Hm. This is a bit awkward. You see, we just had a whole side plot about one.
WILLIS
No, we didn't! Sire.
KING ALFRED
And unfortunately because Lord Willis already did that this episode, you can't have one now.
LORD PEERLESS
Oh, but I am.
CAMILLA
You and whose army?
SOUND: MECHANICAL marching.
COURTIERS
(frightened noises)
LORD PEERLESS
This one.
COLIN
Oooooh! I know what those are! They're automatons!
CAMILLA
Very well, I will admit it was rather troupe-y of me to challenge you like that. I'm not sure what else I expected to happen.
WILLIS
With respect sire, this is what a coup looks like.
KING ALFRED
Huh. Well, I don't like it.
SOUND: Gil draws his sword.
GILBERT
Stay behind me, Colin.
SOUND: Bianka readies her crossbow
LORD PEERLESS
Automatons, seize them!
BARD
Now this is entertainment! Will the Companions escape the clutches of perfect Peerless and his metal machines? Will Rodney ever get out of that root? Will Gil ever see Faendyr and his Fleshy again??
To find out, tune in next season for more of THE ADVENTURES OF SIR RODNEY THE ROOT!
CREDITS
The Adventures of Sir Rodney the Root is a production of Talking Fish Podcasts. This episode featured the voices of Michael Silver, Tatum Moss, Lena Winter, Michael Reilly, Bridgette Saverine, Brian Lyons Burke, David Dubov, Nicholas Temple, Andrew Quilpa, Courtney Branch, Stacy Kruml, and Laura Zheng. Our producers are Michael Reilly, Lena Winter and Laura Zheng. Original music by Michael Reilly. This show was made possible by our Kickstarter backers and Patreon supporters. Support the show and get exclusive rewards in return by visitng patreon.com/talkingfish. Connect with us on social media @TalkingFishCast, or visit our website for more show informtion at talkingfishpodcasts.com.
SCENE 9. EXT. A MARSH.
KEANU
Woooooah. Dude. Where am I? What happened?
Man. I must have wiped out biiig time. I wonder...
SOUND: He stumbles and splashes in the water.
KEANU
Yep. Looks like I'm still a unicorn.
Niiiiiiice!
OUTTAKE
LENA
We're--- we're only a ---- (raspberry noise) We're only a day from ----
Why can't I speak suddenly?!
Well, we're only a day from....
(Interface/Automaton voice:)
Fools. Haven.
