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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">NARRATOR</p> |
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− | '''INTRODUCTION''' |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Welcome dear listeners, to the Adventures of Sir Rodney the Root!</p> |
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− | RECAP OF LAST EPISODE |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">'''SCENE 1. EXT. GATES OF AMARANTHYNE. [AUDIO FROM PREVIOUS EP]'''</p> |
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− | MUSIC: THEME |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">SOUND: Keanu is GALLOPING full speed. GUARDS are in pursuit.</p> |
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− | NARRATOR |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
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− | Welcome dear listeners, to the Adventures of Sir Rodney the Root! |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Keanu, stop! There's no way we can survive that fall!</p> |
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− | '''SCENE 1. EXT. GATES OF AMARANTHYNE. [AUDIO FROM PREVIOUS EP]''' |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
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− | SOUND: Keanu is GALLOPING full speed. GUARDS are in pursuit. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Okay!</p> |
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− | GILBERT |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
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− | Keanu, stop! There's no way we can survive that fall! |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">No- Keanu, full speed ahead.</p> |
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− | KEANU |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
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− | Okay! |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Okay!</p> |
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− | FAENDYR |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
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− | No- Keanu, full speed ahead. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">We'll be killed, you idiot!</p> |
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− | KEANU |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
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− | Okay! |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Not if I have anything to do with it.</p> |
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− | CAMILLA |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
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− | We'll be killed, you idiot! |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Oh no, no, no, no.</p> |
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− | FAENDYR |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
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− | Not if I have anything to do with it. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Do you trust me?</p> |
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− | CAMILLA |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT & COlin & Keanu</p> |
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− | Oh no, no, no, no. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Yes.</p> |
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− | FAENDYR |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
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− | Do you trust me? |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">No!</p> |
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− | GILBERT & COlin & Keanu |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
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− | Yes. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I'm reserving judgement.</p> |
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− | CAMILLA |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
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− | No! |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Hold on to your butts, my dudes!</p> |
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− | BIANKA |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">SOUND: Keanu LEAPS. WIND Whistles</p> |
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− | I'm reserving judgement. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">'''BEGIN NEW AUDIO'''</p> |
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− | KEANU |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COMPANIONS</p> |
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− | Hold on to your butts, my dudes! |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">(scream)</p> |
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− | SOUND: Keanu LEAPS. WIND Whistles |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COLIN</p> |
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− | '''BEGIN NEW AUDIO''' |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Yaaaaayyyy!</p> |
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− | COMPANIONS |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BARD</p> |
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− | (scream) |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">And they were all dashed on the rocks at the bottom of the cliff! |
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+ | Just kidding. Can you imagine? "They all died. The End. Thanks for listening!" |
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+ | Ah right. You want to know how it ends. So this is what ''really'' happened</p> |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;"> |
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+ | </p> |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">'''SCENE 2. EXT. COUNTRYSIDE (RIPPLING BROOK).'''</p> |
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− | COLIN |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">SOUND: Idyllic nature sounds for a moment (same ambient as Episodes 1-2), then:</p> |
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− | Yaaaaayyyy! |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">SOUND: PORTAL.</p> |
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− | BARD |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COMPANIONS</p> |
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− | And they were all dashed on the rocks at the bottom of the cliff! |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">(screaming)</p> |
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− | Just kidding. Wow, can you imagine how depressing that would be if that's how this ended? "They all died. The End. Thanks for listening!" |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COLIN</p> |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Yaaaaayyyy!</p> |
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− | If only I were so lucky. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">SOUND: Keanu comes through the portal with the Companions. They land with a thud, tumbling over each other.</p> |
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− | Oh, sorry, you ''want ''to hear what happens? There's no accounting for taste I suppose. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COMPANIONS</p> |
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− | Anyway: |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Ow / Oofff / etc.</p> |
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− | SOUND: PORTAL opens |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COLIN</p> |
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− | QUICK CUT TO: |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">That was fun! Can we do it again?</p> |
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− | '''SCENE 2. EXT. COUNTRYSIDE (RIPPLING BROOK).''' |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
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− | SOUND: Idyllic nature sounds for a moment (same ambient as Episodes 1-2), then: |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">You did it, Faendyr! You actually cast a portal!</p> |
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− | SOUND: PORTAL. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
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− | COMPANIONS |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Wait... it worked?</p> |
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− | (screaming) |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEVIN</p> |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;"><nowiki>*</nowiki>excited squeak*</p> |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
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− | COLIN |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Is everyone okay?</p> |
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− | Yaaaaayyyy! |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
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− | SOUND: Keanu comes through the portal with the Companions. They land with a thud, tumbling over each other. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Uhhhhh. Lemme check...</p> |
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− | COMPANIONS |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">(horrified)</p> |
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− | Ow / Oofff / etc. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Oh my god!</p> |
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− | GILBERT |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
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− | You did it, Faendyr! You actually cast a portal! |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">What's wrong?!</p> |
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− | FAENDYR |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
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− | Wait... it worked? |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Nevermind, I forgot I have four legs. I'm cool.</p> |
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− | KEVIN |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
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− | <nowiki>*</nowiki>excited squeak* |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Bianka, are you alright?</p> |
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− | COLIN |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
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− | That was fun! Can we do it again? |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Yeah. I'm pretty hard to hurt. I'm very dense. Physically, that is.</p> |
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− | GILBERT |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
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− | Is everyone okay? |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I legit thought we were going to die. I can't believe that actually worked.</p> |
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− | KEANU |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
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− | Uhhhhh. Lemme check... |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">You thought we were WHAT?!</p> |
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− | (horrified) |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
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− | Oh my god! |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">That's so cool!</p> |
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− | GILBERT |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COLIN</p> |
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− | What's wrong?! |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">It was probably Keanu!</p> |
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− | KEANU |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
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− | Nevermind, I forgot I have four legs. I'm cool. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Yeah, totally. Wait, what did I do?</p> |
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− | CAMILLA |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COLIN</p> |
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− | Bianka, are you alright? |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Unicorn magic, Keanu! You probably enhanced Faendyr's magical powers and let him cast the portal!</p> |
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− | BIANKA |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
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− | Yeah. I'm pretty hard to hurt. I'm very dense. Physically, that is. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Oh yeah! Totally! Probably.</p> |
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− | FAENDYR |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
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− | I legit thought we were going to die. I can't believe that actually worked. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Where are we?</p> |
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− | CAMILLA |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
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− | You thought we were WHAT?! |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Honestly, I have no idea.</p> |
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− | KEANU |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
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− | That's so cool! |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">You have no idea?!</p> |
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− | COLIN |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
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− | It was probably Keanu! |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I was more concerned about actually casting the portal than where it was going, okay?</p> |
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− | KEANU |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
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− | Yeah, totally. Wait, what did I do? |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">What if you had dropped us in the middle of the Glass Sea or dashed us onto the treacherous peaks of the Thundering Mountain?!</p> |
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− | COLIN |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
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− | Unicorn magic, Keanu! You probably enhanced Faendyr's magical powers and let him cast the portal! |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I didn't though. So. You're welcome.</p> |
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− | KEANU |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
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− | Oh yeah! Totally! Probably. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Hold on. This place seems familiar...</p> |
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− | GILBERT |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">HEAD VILLAGER</p> |
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− | Where are we? |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">(from far away:)</p> |
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− | FAENDYR |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Hail and well met, travelers from the skies! Welcome to Ripping Brook...</p> |
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− | Honestly, I have no idea. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
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− | CAMILLA |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Oh gods.</p> |
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− | You have no idea?! |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COLIN</p> |
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− | FAENDYR |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Ooooh! I know where we are!</p> |
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− | I was more concerned about actually casting the portal than where it was going, okay? |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">HEAD VILLAGER</p> |
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− | CAMILLA |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">What may we-- Oh. Oh no.</p> |
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− | What if you had dropped us in the middle of the Glass Sea or dashed us onto the treacherous peaks of the Thundering Mountain?! |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
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− | FAENDYR |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">The feeling is mutual, trust me.</p> |
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− | I didn't though. So. You're welcome. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">HEAD VILLAGER</p> |
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− | GILBERT |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">We ''just ''finished burying the orcs...</p> |
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− | Hold on. This place seems familiar... |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
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− | HEAD VILLAGER |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">It's been two months.</p> |
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− | (from far away:) |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">HEAD VILLAGER</p> |
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− | Hail and well met, travelers from the skies! Welcome to Ripping Brook... |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Well, we had the artisanal cheese festival to prepare for and that had to take priority.</p> |
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− | CAMILLA |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
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− | Oh gods. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Oh my gods.</p> |
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− | COLIN |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COLIN</p> |
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− | Ooooh! I know where we are! |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Ooooh! The cheese festival was my favorite!</p> |
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− | HEAD VILLAGER |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
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− | What may we-- Oh. Oh no. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">What is it with humans and cheese?</p> |
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− | FAENDYR |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
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− | The feeling is mutual, trust me. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Yeah I don‘t get it.</p> |
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− | HEAD VILLAGER |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
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− | We ''just ''finished burying the orcs... |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Never speak ill of cheese.</p> |
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− | GILBERT |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
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− | It's been two months. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Cheese is the best thing ever.</p> |
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− | HEAD VILLAGER |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COLIN</p> |
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− | Well, we had the artisanal cheese festival to prepare for and that had to take priority. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Silence, infidels!</p> |
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− | FAENDYR |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">HEAD VILLAGER</p> |
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− | Oh my gods. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">What is wrong with you??</p> |
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− | COLIN |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">HEAD VILLAGER</p> |
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− | Ooooh! The cheese festival was my favorite! |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Then during the festival these three travelers came through. They caused so much trouble! The dwarf kept hitting on all of the plants, the elf swindled a bunch of villagers out of their coin - and the human just kept rushing into things. It took us weeks to fix all the damage they caused. I assumed they were friends of yours.</p> |
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− | BIANKA |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
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− | What is it with humans and cheese? |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">We don't really do "friends."</p> |
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− | FAENDYR |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">HEAD VILLAGER</p> |
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− | Yeah I don‘t get it. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">And ''then''! Lord Peerless came looking for the Princess Camilla and he was... very put out when he learned we let you leave with Olfga and her boys.</p> |
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− | CAMILLA |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
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− | Never speak ill of cheese. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">You didn't "let" me leave, you handed me over to them, you traitor.</p> |
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− | GILBERT |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
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− | Cheese is the best thing ever. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Oooh. So that's how you ended up in Jade Reach.</p> |
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− | COLIN |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
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− | Silence, infidels! |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">More or less.</p> |
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− | HEAD VILLAGER |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
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− | What is wrong with you?? |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I figured you couldn't have gotten there on your own. No offence.</p> |
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− | HEAD VILLAGER |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">HEAD VILLAGER</p> |
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− | Then during the festival these three travelers came through. They caused so much trouble! The dwarf kept hitting on all of the plants, the elf swindled a bunch of villagers out of their coin - and the human just kept rushing into things. It took us weeks to fix all the damage they caused. I assumed they were friends of yours. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Yes, about that unfortunate incident--</p> |
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− | FAENDYR |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
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− | We don't really do "friends." |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Hi, I'm a unicorn.</p> |
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− | HEAD VILLAGER |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">HEAD VILLAGER</p> |
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− | And ''then''! Lord Peerless came looking for the Princess Camilla and he was... very put out when he learned we let you leave with Olfga and her boys. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Uh, yes, I see that. Hello.</p> |
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− | CAMILLA |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I'm sorry, your majesty, but we have to let Lord Peerless know you're here.</p> |
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− | You didn't "let" me leave, you handed me over to them, you traitor. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
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− | BIANKA |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Very well.</p> |
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− | Oooh. So that's how you ended up in Jade Reach. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">OTHERS</p> |
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− | GILBERT |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Wait, what?</p> |
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− | More or less. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
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− | BIANKA |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Send your raven. Let him know I'm here.</p> |
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− | I figured you couldn't have gotten there on your own. No offence. |
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− | HEAD VILLAGER |
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">HEAD VILLAGER</p> |
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">We... don't have carrier ravens.</p> |
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− | Yes, about that unfortunate incident-- |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
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− | KEANU |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I am ''shocked''.</p> |
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− | Hi, I'm a unicorn. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">(she's not)</p> |
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− | HEAD VILLAGER |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">HEAD VILLAGER</p> |
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− | Uh, yes, I see that. Hello. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">We send him our messages via our monthly cheese deliveries. We inscribe them on our cheese rinds.</p> |
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− | I'm sorry, your majesty, but we have to let Lord Peerless know you're here. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
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− | CAMILLA |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Of course you do. Well, better hop to it then.</p> |
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− | Very well. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">It will only take, what?, two days to reach his estate?</p> |
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− | OTHERS |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">HEAD VILLAGER</p> |
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− | Wait, what? |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Three, most likely. Our cows move very slowly.</p> |
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− | CAMILLA |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
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− | Send your raven. Let him know I'm here. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">We'll be on our way tomorrow, so they'd better hurry.</p> |
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− | HEAD VILLAGER |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Take us to your inn, we require a place to spend the night.</p> |
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− | We... don't have carrier ravens. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">HEAD VILLAGER</p> |
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− | CAMILLA |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">We're a very small and inconsequential village. No one ever comes through here, well except for you all, evidently.</p> |
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− | I am ''shocked''. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">That is to say, we don't have an inn.</p> |
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− | (she's not) |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
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− | HEAD VILLAGER |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Sir Peerless will be very upset to hear you forced his betrothed to sleep out of doors. In the elements. At the mercy of marauding orc mercenaries.</p> |
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− | We send him our messages via our monthly cheese deliveries. We inscribe them on our cheese rinds. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">HEAD VILLAGER</p> |
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− | CAMILLA |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">No, um, I'll- I'll let you sleep in my house. And before you say anything, I'll sleep outside.</p> |
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− | Of course you do. Well, better hop to it then. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
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− | It will only take, what?, two days to reach his estate? |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Perfect.</p> |
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− | HEAD VILLAGER |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">MUSIC: TRANSITION</p> |
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− | Three, most likely. Our cows move very slowly. |
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+ | <p style="text-align:center;">'''SCENE 3. INT. HEAD VILLAGERS' HOUSE.'''</p> |
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− | CAMILLA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">SOUND: The door opens. The Companions walk in, expect for Keanu.</p> |
||
− | We'll be on our way tomorrow, so they'd better hurry. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
||
− | Take us to your inn, we require a place to spend the night. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Well. This is depressing. No wonder that man is so miserable.</p> |
||
− | HEAD VILLAGER |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | We're a very small and inconsequential village. No one ever comes through here, well except for you all, evidently. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I don't know. Reminds me of my parents' home.</p> |
||
− | That is to say, we don't have an inn. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | CAMILLA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">That is so sad.</p> |
||
− | Sir Peerless will be very upset to hear you forced his betrothed to sleep out of doors. In the elements. At the mercy of marauding orc mercenaries. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | HEAD VILLAGER |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Hey Stretch? Your privilege is showing.</p> |
||
− | No, um, I'll- I'll let you sleep in my house. And before you say anything, I'll sleep outside. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | CAMILLA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">It's not privilege, it's good taste.</p> |
||
− | Perfect. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
||
− | MUSIC: TRANSITION |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">(from outside)</p> |
||
− | '''SCENE 3. INT. HEAD VILLAGERS' HOUSE.''' |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Hey guys, what about me?</p> |
||
− | SOUND: The door opens. The Companions walk in, expect for Keanu. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | CAMILLA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Can you fit through the door?</p> |
||
− | Well. This is depressing. No wonder that man is so miserable. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I'm not a big fan of the indoors since that vampire, like, tried to eat me.</p> |
||
− | I don't know. Reminds me of my parents' home. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">In that case, see you in the morning, sleep tight.</p> |
||
− | That is so sad. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">SOUND: DOOR CLOSES.</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
||
− | Hey Stretch? Your privilege is showing. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">(voice muffled by the door)</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Um yeah okay.</p> |
||
− | It's not privilege, it's good taste. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COLIN</p> |
||
− | KEANU |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Make yourself comfortable, everyone. I'll get the cheese!</p> |
||
− | (from outside) |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
||
− | Hey guys, what about me? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">(muffled)</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Hey bud, can I have some too?</p> |
||
− | Can you fit through the door? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">SOUND: Colin runs and opens a cupboard. Maybe the sound of him running back and forth and getting dishes and wheels of cheese.</p> |
||
− | KEANU |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
||
− | I'm not a big fan of the indoors since that vampire, like, tried to eat me. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Colin? You seem very familiar with this home.</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COLIN</p> |
||
− | In that case, see you in the morning, sleep tight. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">This was my family's house!</p> |
||
− | SOUND: DOOR CLOSES. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">EVERYONE</p> |
||
− | KEANU |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">(wtf)</p> |
||
− | (voice muffled by the door) |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | Um yeah okay. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Are you sure?</p> |
||
− | COLIN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COLIN</p> |
||
− | Make yourself comfortable, everyone. I'll get the cheese! |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Right here is the crawlspace my siblings would lock me in. See?</p> |
||
− | KEANU |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">SOUND: small door opening</p> |
||
− | (muffled) |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COLIN</p> |
||
− | Hey bud, can I have some too? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">This space and I spent a lot of time together.</p> |
||
− | SOUND: Colin runs and opens a cupboard. Maybe the sound of him running back and forth and getting dishes and wheels of cheese. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
||
− | CAMILLA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Your siblings locked you in a cupboard?!</p> |
||
− | Colin? You seem very familiar with this home. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | COLIN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">You're an only child, huh?</p> |
||
− | This was my family's house! |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COLIN</p> |
||
− | EVERYONE |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">And they pulled my hair and called me all sorts of cruel names! Even the babies.</p> |
||
− | (wtf) |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">(muffled)</p> |
||
− | Are you sure? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">That's horrible, little dude.</p> |
||
− | COLIN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COLIN</p> |
||
− | Right here is the crawlspace my siblings would lock me in. See? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">It's alright! That's how I learned to talk to rodents! And my whole family are long dead and rotted, so who has the last laugh now, hm?</p> |
||
− | SOUND: small door opening |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEVIN</p> |
||
− | COLIN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;"><nowiki>*</nowiki>squeaking in agreement*</p> |
||
− | This space and I spent a lot of time together. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">EVERYONE ELSE</p> |
||
− | CAMILLA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">(yikes)</p> |
||
− | Your siblings locked you in a cupboard?! |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">(muffled)</p> |
||
− | You're an only child, huh? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Hey guys? ... Guys? I'm lonely.</p> |
||
− | COLIN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COLIN</p> |
||
− | And they pulled my hair and called me all sorts of cruel names! Even the babies. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Here!</p> |
||
− | KEANU |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">SOUND: Window opens</p> |
||
− | (muffled) |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COLIN</p> |
||
− | That's horrible, little dude. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">You can stick your head in through this window!</p> |
||
− | COLIN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
||
− | It's alright! That's how I learned to talk to rodents! And my whole family are long dead and rotted, so who has the last laugh now, hm? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Oh! Niiiiiice!</p> |
||
− | KEVIN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">(now inside)</p> |
||
− | <nowiki>*</nowiki>squeaking in agreement* |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">'Sup, my dudes?</p> |
||
− | EVERYONE ELSE |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | (yikes) |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Wait... so if you learned to talk to mice while you were locked in the cupboard, does that mean you talking to animals ''isn't ''magic then?</p> |
||
− | KEANU |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | (muffled) |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I'm around horses all the time and I can't speak their language.</p> |
||
− | Hey guys? ... Guys? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COLIN</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Have you tried, though?</p> |
||
− | What is it, Keanu? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | KEANU |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Well, no.</p> |
||
− | I'm lonely. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
||
− | COLIN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Speaking of magic.</p> |
||
− | Here! |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Faendyr, I believe you have some things to explain.</p> |
||
− | SOUND: Window opens |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | COLIN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">(nervous)</p> |
||
− | You can stick your head in through this window! |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Ha ha... yeah.</p> |
||
− | KEANU |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | Oh! Niiiiiice! |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">What did the Empress mean by crimes against the Imperium?</p> |
||
− | (now inside) |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | 'Sup, my dudes? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Let me explain... No... let me sum up. Well, actually, it'd be better if I--</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
||
− | Wait... so if you learned to talk to mice while you were locked in the cupboard, does that mean you talking to animals ''isn't ''magic then? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">The short version, please.</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | I'm around horses all the time and I can't speak their language. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Basically? I'm...</p> |
||
− | COLIN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COLIN</p> |
||
− | Have you tried, though? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">It's okay, you can tell us! You'll feel better when you do.</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | Well, no. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I'm... a fraud.</p> |
||
− | CAMILLA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">No, Colin, I feel worse.</p> |
||
− | Speaking of magic. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
||
− | Faendyr, I believe you have some things to explain. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I knew it! I ''knew ''you had no idea what you were doing!</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COLIN</p> |
||
− | (nervous) |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Do you need a hug?</p> |
||
− | Ha ha... yeah. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">No, I'm--- </p> |
||
− | What did the Empress mean by crimes against the Imperium? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COLIN</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Hug!</p> |
||
− | Let me explain... No... let me sum up. Well, actually, it'd be better if I-- |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | CAMILLA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Thanks Colin.</p> |
||
− | The short version, please. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COLIN</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">You're welcome.</p> |
||
− | Basically? I'm... |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | (deep breath) |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I'm not a ''total ''liar. I just... never actually graduated.</p> |
||
− | Well... |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
||
− | COLIN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Oh my gods.</p> |
||
− | It's okay, you can tell us! You'll feel better when you do. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">What's the big deal? I never completed school.</p> |
||
− | I'm... a fraud. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COLIN</p> |
||
− | Nope, Colin, I feel worse. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">And I still don't know what a schools is!</p> |
||
− | COLIN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
||
− | Do you need a hug? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Faendyr was hired by my father to be his official Master of the Arcane Arts. It is an incredibly prestigious position. Anyone who claims that title must have spent at least a quarter of a century of study at The Mage's College.</p> |
||
− | CAMILLA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | I knew it! I ''knew ''you had no idea what you were doing! |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">How many years did you complete?</p> |
||
− | COLIN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | Hug! |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Ummm...</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | No, I'm--- thanks Colin. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Twenty?</p> |
||
− | COLIN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | You're welcome. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Nooo...</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | I'm not a ''total ''liar. I just... never actually graduated. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Ten??</p> |
||
− | CAMILLA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | Oh my gods. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Less?</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | What's the big deal? I never completed school. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Oh my gods, five?!</p> |
||
− | COLIN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | And I still don't know what a schools is! |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">One, actually.</p> |
||
− | CAMILLA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
||
− | Faendyr was hired by my father to be his official Master of the Arcane Arts. It is an incredibly prestigious position. Anyone who claims that title must have spent at least a quarter of a century of study at The Mage's College. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Niiiiiiiice! You only need one year?!</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
||
− | How many years did you complete? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">My father trusted you!</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | Ummm... |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">What happened?</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | Twenty? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I fully intended to graduate, I really did! But... then I kind of burnt down a wing of the College? Accidentally.</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
||
− | Nooo... |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I understand. An "accident".</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | Ten?? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">No, it ''was ''an accident.</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
||
− | Less? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">(wink)</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Of course. Sure.</p> |
||
− | Oh my gods, five?! |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">One of my responsibilities as a first year student was ironing the professors' robes. I thought ironing would be a lot easier if I used steam instead. You know, putting my enterprising mind to good use.</p> |
||
− | One, actually. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
||
− | KEANU |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Uh huh.</p> |
||
− | Niiiiiiiice! |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | CAMILLA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">And I ''may'' have accidentally cast a fireball when I meant to cast a simple candle spell and... set the robes on fire?</p> |
||
− | My father trusted you! |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">They are very flammable.</p> |
||
− | What happened? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">They really are.</p> |
||
− | I fully intended to graduate, I really did! But... then I kind of burnt down a wing of the College? Accidentally. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">And then the rest of the room caught on fire...</p> |
||
− | KEANU |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
||
− | I understand. An "accident". |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Oohh mannnn!</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | No, it ''was ''an accident. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">And then the whole dorm wing. And well, so on. So, I, uh... just kind of expelled myself?</p> |
||
− | KEANU |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | (wink) |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">You fled the scene?</p> |
||
− | Of course. Sure. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">... Yes.</p> |
||
− | One of my responsibilities as a first year student was ironing the professors' robes. I thought ironing would be a lot easier if I used steam instead. You know, putting my enterprising mind to good use. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | CAMILLA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">So that's your crime?</p> |
||
− | Uh huh. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Um... no. You know my grimoire? ... My magic book, Gil.</p> |
||
− | And I ''may'' have accidentally cast a fireball when I meant to cast a simple candle spell and... set the robes on fire? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I knew what you meant.</p> |
||
− | They are very flammable. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">(he didn't)</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | They really are. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Here, Camilla, you read Elvish.</p> |
||
− | And then the rest of the room caught on fire... |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">SOUND: He slides the book across the table. Camilla opens it.</p> |
||
− | KEANU |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
||
− | Oohh mannnn! |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">"Textbook for Magic 101... Property of the Library at The Mages' College." This is a textbook?</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | And then the whole dorm wing. And well, so on. So, I, uh... just kind of expelled myself? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">A library rental, specifically.</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
||
− | You fled the scene? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">So, you ran away from home with a stolen library book and showed up at my father's court calling yourself an arcane specialist with decades of training.</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | ... Yes. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Centuries, actually. Go big or go home, right?</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | So that's your crime? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">You're not helping yourself, bud.</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | Um... no. You know my grimoire? ... My magic book, Gil. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">And I didn't go ''straight'' to Kirkland. I did spend a couple years claiming to be an Elvish prince who'd fallen on hard times.</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | I knew what you meant. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Oh man.</p> |
||
− | (he didn't) |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Which isn't entirely a lie! And in terms of the court mage thing, Alfred didn't ask for any references. I mean, that's just basic hiring practices right there, so this is kind of his fault if you think about it.</p> |
||
− | Here, Camilla, you read Elvish. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
||
− | SOUND: He slides the book across the table. Camilla opens it. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">This is the stupidest thing I have ever heard.</p> |
||
− | CAMILLA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | "Textbook for Magic 101... Property of the Library at The Mages' College." This is a textbook? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Really? You were there when your father started an international incident over some chickens.</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | A library rental, specifically. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Can we not bring the Chicken Affair into this?</p> |
||
− | CAMILLA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | So, you ran away from home with a stolen library book and showed up at my father's court calling yourself an arcane specialist with decades of training. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Are you going to tell your dad?</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
||
− | Centuries, actually. Go big or go home, right? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I haven't decided yet.</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | You're not helping yourself, bud. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I did save our lives.</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
||
− | And I didn't go ''straight'' to Kirkland. I did spend a couple years claiming to be an Elvish prince who'd fallen on hard times. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">From a situation that you created!</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | (this is hilarious) |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">That's fair.</p> |
||
− | Oh man. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Alright Bianka. Your turn. Who do you work for?</p> |
||
− | Which isn't entirely a lie! And in terms of the court mage thing, Alfred didn't ask for any references. I mean, that's just basic hiring practices right there, so this is kind of his fault if you think about it. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | CAMILLA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">They're called the Keepers.</p> |
||
− | This is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Wait... I've heard of them.</p> |
||
− | Really? You were there when your father started an international incident over some chickens. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Really? How?</p> |
||
− | Can we not bring the Chicken Affair into this? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Honestly, you wouldn't believe me if I told you.</p> |
||
− | Are you going to tell your dad? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | CAMILLA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">The Keepers?</p> |
||
− | I haven't decided yet. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">They are ''obsessed'' with secrecy.</p> |
||
− | I did save our lives. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">People like me, Seekers, collect Unholy Relics. That's as far as my responsibilities go. I don't know what happens next, that's way above my pay grade. But I do know that they think keeping Relics out of the hands of mages will prevent another Demon War.</p> |
||
− | CAMILLA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | From a situation that you created! |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">(it's all making sense now)</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Ooooh.</p> |
||
− | That's fair. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">UXELLODUNON, CONSUMER OF FLESH</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">They believe they can control the fate of their dimension. Fools.</p> |
||
− | Alright Bianka. Your turn. Who do you work for? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Shhh, Fleshy!</p> |
||
− | They're called the Keepers. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Are you talking to your staff?</p> |
||
− | Wait... I've heard of them. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">UXELLODUNON, CONSUMER OF FLESH</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">They are like ants striving to divert the flow of a river.</p> |
||
− | Really? How? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">... No. Sorry, go on Bianka.</p> |
||
− | Honestly, you wouldn't believe me if I told you. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">The person I report to is called the Inquisitor. But they're not calling the shots. That's the Inquisitor General, and no one ever sees them.</p> |
||
− | The Keepers? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">UXELLODUNON, CONSUMER OF FLESH</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">They believe by cowering in the shadows they can save themselves.</p> |
||
− | They are ''obsessed'' with secrecy. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | People like me, Seekers, collect Unholy Relics. That's as far as my responsibilities go. I don't know what happens next, that's way above my pay grade. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Listen- that's really all I know. And the less you go asking around, the better. As far as they're concerned, the ends justify the means. I mean, you met Olivier.</p> |
||
− | But I do know that they think keeping Relics out of the hands of mages will prevent another Demon War. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">He threatened Colin. That's why we fought.</p> |
||
− | (it's all making sense now) |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | Ooooh. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">They don't really care what they have to do to get the Relics. But they're good at what they do.</p> |
||
− | THE CONSUMER OF FLESH |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | They believe they can control the fate of their dimension. Fools. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Unlike us.</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | Shhh, Fleshy! |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Well, I mean, they're...</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | Are you talking to your staff? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Competent?</p> |
||
− | UXELLODUNON, CONSUMER OF FLESH |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | They are like ants striving to divert the flow of a river. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Yeah? No offense.</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | ... No. Sorry, go on Bianka. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I for one fully accept our shortcomings. Competent is not a word that I would use to describe us.</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
||
− | The person I report to is called the Inquisitor. But they're not calling the shots. That's the Inquisitor General, and no one ever sees them. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I, like, died and came back as a magical horse though? So I mean, I feel like I came out ahead.</p> |
||
− | UXELLODUNON, CONSUMER OF FLESH |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
||
− | They believe by cowering in the shadows they can save themselves. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">And I have a duchy now.</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
||
− | Listen- that's really all I know. And the less you go asking around, the better. As far as they're concerned, the ends justify the means. I mean, you met Olivier. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Yeah, the Princess and I are doing fine, thanks.</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | He threatened Colin. That's why we fought. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">My assignment was to extricate the Consumer of Flesh from the museum.</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Obviously, we all know how that went.</p> |
||
− | They don't really care what they have to do to get the Relics. But they're good at what they do. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Why did you decide to help us?</p> |
||
− | Unlike us. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Honestly? I don't know. Morbid curiosity? I was bored? |
||
− | Well, I mean, they're... |
||
+ | Listen. I know how this looks, I'm not an idiot. The Keepers were just my ticket out of my old life. Which wasn't super, by the way. Money is money. For a lot of us in this world, we have to get it however we can. We can't be cute about it. Scruples don't pay the rent.</p> |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Exactly.</p> |
||
− | Competent? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">You stay out of this.</p> |
||
− | Yeah? No offense. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I can fix this.</p> |
||
− | I for one fully accept our shortcomings. Competent is not a word that I would use to describe us. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I know where the Hungering Band is. Keeper Richard-- that jerk who took the Relic-- he and I were meeting up with a mage who would transport us to headquarters. Tomorrow, it'll be at the gate to Jade Reach.</p> |
||
− | KEANU |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
||
− | I, like, died and came back as a magical horse though? So I mean, I feel like I came out ahead. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Why are you still helping us?</p> |
||
− | CAMILLA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | And I have a duchy now. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Isn't it obvious?</p> |
||
− | KEANU |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
||
− | Yeah, the Princess and I are doing fine, thanks. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I need more than that.</p> |
||
− | COLIN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | I have a question! |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">You guys are going on a crazy convoluted fetch quest all around the continent just to help a friend. That means a lot to me.</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | Sure, kid. What is it? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I think there's a little more to it than that. At least for some of us. Right, Gil?</p> |
||
− | COLIN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | Demons are not good? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">What?</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | Well... it's complicated. They don't really care about us. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Something ''you ''want to share with the group?</p> |
||
− | Like Snowball, remember? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | COLIN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">... No?</p> |
||
− | Oooooh. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
||
− | But we helped her. And she's a demon- and demons are not good. Does that mean we're bad? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Alright. Let's talk logistics. Bianka, what weakenss do Richard and this mage have?</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">UXELLODUNON, CONSUMER OF FLESH</p> |
||
− | Sometimes you have to do bad things for a good reason. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Do you really trust the dwarf? Do you think she has your interests at heart?</p> |
||
− | COLIN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | Like helping a friend? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Wait, wait, wait. So that's it? We're all just cool with Bianka basically stabbing us in the back?</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | Exactly. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I came clean. What more do you want?</p> |
||
− | COLIN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | So we're friends with demons? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">This isn't some mechanical device you can just fix by turning a couple gears.</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">How do we know this isn't a trap and she's still working for the Keepers and lying to us so she can bring Fleshy to them?</p> |
||
− | No. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | COLIN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">''Please ''stop calling it that.</p> |
||
− | Now I'm confused. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Truth be told? You don't.</p> |
||
− | My assignment was to extricate the Consumer of Flesh from the museum. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
||
− | Obviously, we all know how that went. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I trust her.</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | Why did you decide to help us? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Of course you do.</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
||
− | Honestly? I don't know. Morbid curiosity? I was bored? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">What's that supposed to mean?</p> |
||
− | Listen. I know how this looks, I'm not an idiot. The Keepers were just my ticket out of my old life. Which wasn't super, by the way. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | Money is money. For a lot of us in this world, we have to get it however we can. We can't be cute about it. Scruples don't pay the rent. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">You have a dwarf-shaped blind spot!</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
||
− | Exactly. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I will remind you that you are speaking to the Crown Princess of Kirkland. The Crown Princess who will decide if her father needs to know that his court mage is a fraud.</p> |
||
− | CAMILLA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | You stay out of this. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Fine. We'll give Bianka a chance to prove herself. But I swear to the gods if she's still lying...</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | Hey, guys. We've all had a hard day. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I'm not.</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | I can fix this. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Okay then.</p> |
||
− | I know where the Hungering Band is. Keeper Richard-- that jerk who took the Relic-- he and I were meeting up with a mage who would transport us to headquarters. Tomorrow, it'll be at the gate to Jade Reach. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | CAMILLA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Okay.</p> |
||
− | Why are you still helping us? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Fine.</p> |
||
− | Isn't it obvious? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | CAMILLA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Good.</p> |
||
− | I need more than that. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Good!</p> |
||
− | You guys are going on a crazy convoluted fetch quest all around the continent just to help a friend. That means a lot to me. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Okay.</p> |
||
− | I think there's a little more to it than that. At least for some of us. Right, Gil? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Great.</p> |
||
− | What? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">(awkward pause. Keanu clears his throat.)</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
||
− | Something ''you ''want to share with the group? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Hey, um... this is probably a bad time, but I, like, never got any of that cheese?</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">TRANSITION</p> |
||
− | ... No? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">'''SCENE 4. EXT. ENTRANCE TO JADE REACH.'''</p> |
||
− | CAMILLA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">A sense of a wide, open space at some elevation. Same as episode 3.</p> |
||
− | Let's talk logistics. Bianka, what weakenss do Richard and this mage have? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">SOUND: Portal</p> |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | UXELLODUNON, CONSUMER OF FLESH |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Well. Here we are.</p> |
||
− | Do you really trust the dwarf? Do you think she has your interests at heart? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Where is here?</p> |
||
− | Wait, wait, wait. So that's it? We're all just cool with Bianka basically stabbing us in the back? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COLIN</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Oh! This is where the giant metal giant lives!</p> |
||
− | I came clean. What more do you want? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">SOUND: The companions walk out of the portal.</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | This isn't some mechanical device you can just fix by turning a couple gears. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">You know, Stretch, it's too bad you didn't figure out how to cast portals like a month ago.</p> |
||
− | How do we know this isn't a trap and she's still working for the Keepers and lying to us so she can bring Fleshy to them? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Yeah, that would have saved us like a ''ton'' of walking.</p> |
||
− | ''Please ''stop calling it that. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">SOUND: Portal closes.</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | Truth be told? You don't. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">If you keep complaining you can walk all the way back to Kirkland.</p> |
||
− | CAMILLA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | I trust her. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Keeper Richard should be meeting up with Keeper Waelynn at any moment. I'll distract them, while you all stay out of sight.</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Then Faendyr shoots some fireballs and Gil looks scary, and I'll make off with the Relic. Then we all portal back to the capital. The End.</p> |
||
− | Of course you do. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | CAMILLA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Sounds simple enough.</p> |
||
− | What's that supposed to mean? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I'm sure we'll find a way to mess it up. I mean, just going by precedent.</p> |
||
− | You have a dwarf-shaped blind spot! |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
||
− | CAMILLA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">True true true.</p> |
||
− | I will remind you that you are speaking to the Crown Princess of Kirkland. The Crown Princess who will decide if her father needs to know that his court mage is a fraud. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COLIN</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">What do I do?</p> |
||
− | Fine. We'll give Bianka a chance to prove herself. But I swear to the gods if she's still lying... |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Stay hidden. And quiet.</p> |
||
− | I'm not. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COLIN</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">But that's boring.</p> |
||
− | Okay then. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">It's a very important job.</p> |
||
− | Okay. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COLIN</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I'm not a baby.</p> |
||
− | Fine. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">SOUND: Footsteps further off.</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | Good. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">There's Keeper Richard. Get down. Waelynn should be up in a minute. Stay hidden until I give the word.</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | Good! |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Wait, what's the word?</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
||
− | Okay. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Pickles?</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | Great. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">... Sure.</p> |
||
− | (awkward pause. Keanu clears his throat.) |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I'll be back.</p> |
||
− | KEANU |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">SOUND: She walks away.</p> |
||
− | Hey, um... this is probably a bad time, but I, like, never got any of that cheese? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">'''SCENE 5. EXT. BY THE ENTRANCE.'''</p> |
||
− | TRANSITION |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">SOUND: An elevator approaches.</p> |
||
− | '''SCENE 4. EXT. ENTRANCE TO JADE REACH.''' |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">SOUND: Dwarven gate opens.</p> |
||
− | A sense of a wide, open space at some elevation. Same as episode 3. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">AUTOMATON</p> |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">We have arrived at the surface level. We hope you have enjoyed your visit to Jade Reach. Please come again.</p> |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEEPER WAELYNN</p> |
||
− | SOUND: Portal |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Thank you for your assistance, as always.</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Hello, Keeper Richard.</p> |
||
− | Well. Here we are. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEEPER RICHARD</p> |
||
− | KEANU |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Keeper Waelynn. I trust your mission was a success.</p> |
||
− | Where is here? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEEPER WAELYNN</p> |
||
− | COLIN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Just a few hiccups, but nothing I couldn't handle. And yours?</p> |
||
− | Oh! This is where the giant metal giant lives! |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">SOUND: Dwarven gate closes.</p> |
||
− | SOUND: The companions walk out of the portal. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEEPER RICHARD</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I have the Relic. I am unsure of Keeper Olivier's location. He was going to collect Uxellodunon's staff, but he wasn't at the rendezvous when I left Amaranthyne. And Seeker Bianka refused to accompany me.</p> |
||
− | You know, Stretch, it's too bad you didn't figure out how to cast portals like a month ago. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEEPER WAELYNN</p> |
||
− | KEANU |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">That's odd. Have you sent word to the Inquisitor?</p> |
||
− | Yeah, that would have saved us like a ''ton'' of walking. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEEPER RICHARD</p> |
||
− | SOUND: Portal closes. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Not yet. I assumed it would be a better discussion to have in person.</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">SOUND: BIANKA walks up.</p> |
||
− | If you keep complaining you can walk all the way back to Kirkland. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">''Scene 5.2''</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEEPER WAELYNN</p> |
||
− | Keeper Richard should be meeting up with Keeper Waelynn at any moment. I'll distract them, while you all stay out of sight. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Someone's coming.</p> |
||
− | Then Faendyr shoots some fireballs and Gil looks scary, and I'll make off with the Relic. Then we all portal back to the capital. The End. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Hey guys.</p> |
||
− | Sounds simple enough. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEEPER RICHARD</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Seeker Bianka?</p> |
||
− | I'm sure we'll find a way to mess it up. I mean, just going by precedent. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEEPER WAELYNN</p> |
||
− | KEANU |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I thought you said she stayed in Amaranthyne.</p> |
||
− | True true true. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEEPER RICHARD</p> |
||
− | COLIN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">What are you doing here?</p> |
||
− | What do I do? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">It's a crazy story, actually. Really convoluted. Woah. And long. So, so long.</p> |
||
− | Stay hidden. And quiet. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEEPER RICHARD</p> |
||
− | COLIN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I'd like to hear it.</p> |
||
− | But that's boring. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">You would?</p> |
||
− | It's a very important job. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEEPER RICHARD</p> |
||
− | COLIN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Very much.</p> |
||
− | I'm not a baby. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | SOUND: Footsteps further off. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Um. I doubt Keeper Waelynn wants to...</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEEPER WAELYNN</p> |
||
− | There's Keeper Richard. Get down. Waelynn should be up in a minute. Stay hidden until I give the word. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I don't mind.</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | Wait, what's the word? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Ummmm are you sure? I mean, it's loooong. Super long. And kind of weird, honestly?</p> |
||
− | KEANU |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEEPER WAELYNN</p> |
||
− | Pickles? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">We don't have to be back until vespers. And I love a good story.</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | ... Sure. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Haha. Um. Okay. Well... Picture this: Inquistor sends me to Jade Reach. So, I start my day with a nice healthy breakfast. I've tried the new omletes, but just the egg white. Okay but anyway, moving on. I get to Jade Reach....</p> |
||
− | I'll be back. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">'''SCENE 6. EXT. FURTHER BACK.'''</p> |
||
− | SOUND: She walks away. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">SOUND: Bianka spinning a tale in the distance.</p> |
||
− | '''SCENE 5. EXT. BY THE ENTRANCE.''' |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | SOUND: An elevator approaches. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Well, Gil. This is the last thing we need to get Rodney out of that root.</p> |
||
− | SOUND: Dwarven gate opens. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | AUTOMATON |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Yeah.</p> |
||
− | We have arrived at the surface level. We hope you have enjoyed your visit to Jade Reach. Please come again. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | KEEPER WAELYNN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Are you excited?</p> |
||
− | Thank you for your assistance, as always. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | Hello, Keeper Richard. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Anxious more than anything if I'm honest.</p> |
||
− | KEEPER RICHARD |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | Keeper Waelynn. I trust your mission was a success. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Really?</p> |
||
− | KEEPER WAELYNN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | Just a few hiccups, but nothing I couldn't handle. And yours? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I mean, we don't know for sure if it will work.</p> |
||
− | SOUND: Dwarven gate closes. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
||
− | KEEPER RICHARD |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Or if he's even still alive...</p> |
||
− | I have the Relic. I am unsure of Keeper Olivier's location. He was going to collect Uxellodunon's staff, but he wasn't at the rendezvous when I left Amaranthyne. And Seeker Bianka refused to accompany me. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | KEEPER WAELYNN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">And if it does work... well, it's complicated.</p> |
||
− | That's odd. Have you sent word to the Inquisitor? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
||
− | KEEPER RICHARD |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">What's going on over there?</p> |
||
− | Not yet. I assumed it would be a better discussion to have in person. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
||
− | SOUND: BIANKA walks up. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Uhhhhh, looks like she's still talking.</p> |
||
− | ''Scene 5.2'' |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
||
− | KEEPER WAELYNN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Still? What's taking so long?</p> |
||
− | Someone's coming. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Come on Bianka, just grab the relic...</p> |
||
− | Hey guys. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | KEEPER RICHARD |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Hold on. Are we supposed to distract them so she can grab it?</p> |
||
− | Seeker Bianka? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | KEEPER WAELYNN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Maybe?</p> |
||
− | I thought you said she stayed in Amaranthyne. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
||
− | KEEPER RICHARD |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Wait no- did she say the word?</p> |
||
− | What are you doing here? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COLIN</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I don't know, what was the word?</p> |
||
− | It's a crazy story, actually. Really convoluted. Woah. And long. So, so long. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
||
− | KEEPER RICHARD |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I don't know. Wait, wasn't it pickles?</p> |
||
− | I'd like to hear it. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COLIN</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Or was it "sure"?</p> |
||
− | You would? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEVIN</p> |
||
− | KEEPER RICHARD |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;"><nowiki>*</nowiki>squeak*</p> |
||
− | Very much. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COLIN</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">No, that wasn't it.</p> |
||
− | Um. I doubt Keeper Waelynn wants to... |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
||
− | KEEPER WAELYNN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Oh my gods.</p> |
||
− | I don't mind. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">(in the distance)</p> |
||
− | Ummmm are you sure? I mean, it's loooong. Super long. And kind of weird, honestly? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">PICKLES!</p> |
||
− | KEEPER WAELYNN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | We don't have to be back until vespers. And I love a good story. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Wait, did she say something?</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | Haha. Um. Okay. Well... |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Maybe?</p> |
||
− | '''SCENE 6. EXT. FURTHER BACK.''' |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | SOUND: Bianka spinning a tale in the distance. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">(louder)</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">''PICKLES!''</p> |
||
− | Well, Gil. This is the last thing we need to get Rodney out of that root. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I think she did.</p> |
||
− | Yeah. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Was it "pickles" or "sure"?</p> |
||
− | Are you excited? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">PICKLES! FOR THE LOVE OF THE GODS, ''PICKLES''!!!</p> |
||
− | Anxious more than anything if I'm honest. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">She said pickles.</p> |
||
− | Really? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Oh, fungus!</p> |
||
− | I mean, we don't know for sure if it will work. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">'''SCENE 7. EXT. BY THE ENTRANCE.'''</p> |
||
− | CAMILLA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEEPER WAELYNN</p> |
||
− | Or if he's even still alive... |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Are you alright, Bianka?</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEEPER RICHARD</p> |
||
− | And if it does work... well, it's complicated. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Stop. What's that? Over there by that outcropping.</p> |
||
− | CAMILLA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEEPER WAELYNN</p> |
||
− | What's going on over there? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Is that a unicorn?</p> |
||
− | KEANU |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | Uhhhhh, looks like she's still talking. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">It's probably just a mountain goat.</p> |
||
− | CAMILLA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEEPER WAELYNN</p> |
||
− | Still? What's taking so long? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Are those people? Behind that rock.</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | Come on Bianka, just grab the relic... |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">It looks like a mage and a warrior. And...</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">(Notices Colin; annoyed sigh)</p> |
||
− | Hold on. Are we supposed to distract them so she can grab it? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Oh my gods. Is that a gnome?</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COLIN</p> |
||
− | Maybe? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">(in the distance)</p> |
||
− | KEANU |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Roar!</p> |
||
− | Wait no- did she say the word? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | COLIN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">(in the distance)</p> |
||
− | I don't know, what was the word? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">No, Colin!</p> |
||
− | KEANU |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | I don't know. Wait, wasn't it pickles? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Wow. They look like bad news. You should probably go. I'll take care of them.</p> |
||
− | COLIN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEEPER RICHARD</p> |
||
− | Or was it "sure"? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">A moment. Isn't that the knight you were with, Bianka?</p> |
||
− | KEVIN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | <nowiki>*</nowiki>squeak* |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Uhhhh. No?</p> |
||
− | COLIN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEEPER RICHARD</p> |
||
− | No, that wasn't it. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">It looks just like him.</p> |
||
− | CAMILLA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | Oh my gods. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I mean all humans look the same.</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEEPER WAELYNN</p> |
||
− | (in the distance) |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">They really do.</p> |
||
− | PICKLES! |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEEPER RICHARD</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">No. It's him. I'm positive.</p> |
||
− | Wait, did she say something? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">It can't be.</p> |
||
− | Maybe? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEEPER WAELYNN</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Hold on. That mage has a relic.</p> |
||
− | (louder) |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEEPER RICHARD</p> |
||
− | ''PICKLES!'' |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Bianka, isn't that the Consumer of Flesh?</p> |
||
− | CAMILLA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | I think she did. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Fungus. Uhhhh. Maybe? Stay here. I'll... be back.</p> |
||
− | KEANU |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">SOUND: BIANKA RUNS AT BREAKNECK SPEED</p> |
||
− | Was it "pickles" or "sure"? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEEPER WAELYNN</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">What's going on?</p> |
||
− | PICKLES! FOR THE LOVE OF THE GODS, ''PICKLES''!!! |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">'''SCENE 8. BOULDERS'''</p> |
||
− | FAENDYR |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">SOUND: Bianka is running towards them</p> |
||
− | She said pickles. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Wait, why is she running towards us? This is part of the plan, right?</p> |
||
− | Oh, fungus! |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
||
− | '''SCENE 7. EXT. BY THE ENTRANCE.''' |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Wow. She's fast. I mean, considering.</p> |
||
− | KEEPER WAELYNN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">FAENDYR</p> |
||
− | Are you alright, Bianka? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Should we do something?</p> |
||
− | KEEPER RICHARD |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">SOUND: Bianka has arrived</p> |
||
− | Stop. What's that? Over there by that outcropping. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | KEEPER WAELYNN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Run!</p> |
||
− | Is that a unicorn? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Oh f- foot and mouth.</p> |
||
− | It's probably just a mountain goat. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">SOUND: The companions all stand up</p> |
||
− | KEEPER WAELYNN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | Are those people? Behind that rock. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">RUN YOU IDIOTS!</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEEPERS</p> |
||
− | It looks like a mage and a warrior. And... |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">STOP!</p> |
||
− | (Notices Colin; annoyed sigh) |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">SOUND: The companions all start running</p> |
||
− | Oh my gods. Is that a gnome? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">KEANU</p> |
||
− | COLIN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">We'd rather not, if that's okay!</p> |
||
− | (in the distance) |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COLIN</p> |
||
− | Roar! |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Where are we going?</p> |
||
− | GILBERT |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BIANKA</p> |
||
− | (in the distance) |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I don't know, but we need to get the you know what out of here.</p> |
||
− | No, Colin! |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COLIN</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">I know what what?</p> |
||
− | Wow. They look like bad news. You should probably go. I'll take care of them. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">WEALYNN</p> |
||
− | KEEPER RICHARD |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">(from behind them)</p> |
||
− | A moment. Isn't that the knight you were with, Bianka? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">''Incende''!</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">SOUND: FIREBALL</p> |
||
− | Uhhhh. No? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COMPANIONS</p> |
||
− | KEEPER RICHARD |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Woah!/ Ohhhh/ etc</p> |
||
− | It looks just like him. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">GILBERT</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Are they shooting fireballs at us?!</p> |
||
− | I mean all humans look the same. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CAMILLA</p> |
||
− | KEEPER WAELYNN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">It certainly seems like it!</p> |
||
− | They really do. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BARD</p> |
||
− | KEEPER RICHARD |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">And it certainly seems like the Companions have gotten themselves in a ''heated'' situation. Will they find a way to cool things down?</p> |
||
− | No. It's him. I'm positive. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">COMPANIONS</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;"><nowiki>*</nowiki>groan*</p> |
||
− | It can't be. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BARD</p> |
||
− | KEEPER WAELYNN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Find out next time in the season finale of THE ADVENTURES OF SIR RODNEY THE ROOT!</p> |
||
− | Hold on. That mage has a relic. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">CREDITS</p> |
||
− | KEEPER RICHARD |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">BLOOPER</p> |
||
− | Bianka, isn't that the Consumer of Flesh? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">ANDREW</p> |
||
− | BIANKA |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">But he wasn't at the rendevouz. Hm. Sorry. One more time. </p> |
||
− | Fungus. Uhhhh. Maybe? Stay here. I'll... be back. |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">MICHAEL</p> |
||
− | SOUND: BIANKA RUNS AT BREAKNECK SPEED |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">It's "U-zello-dun-on"</p> |
||
− | KEEPER WAELYNN |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">ANDREW</p> |
||
− | What's going on? |
||
+ | <p style="text-align:center;">Uxellodunon. Yeah. Uxello-Lena-Dunham. Uxellodunon. Uxellodunon? Uxello''dunon''! Okay. Ah hem.</p> |
||
− | '''SCENE 8. BOULDERS''' |
||
− | |||
− | SOUND: Bianka is running towards them |
||
− | |||
− | GILBERT |
||
− | |||
− | Wait, why is she running towards us? This is part of the plan, right? |
||
− | |||
− | KEANU |
||
− | |||
− | Wow. She's fast. I mean, considering. |
||
− | |||
− | FAENDYR |
||
− | |||
− | Should we do something? |
||
− | |||
− | SOUND: Bianka has arrived |
||
− | |||
− | BIANKA |
||
− | |||
− | Run! |
||
− | |||
− | CAMILLA |
||
− | |||
− | Oh f- foot and mouth. |
||
− | |||
− | SOUND: The companions all stand up |
||
− | |||
− | BIANKA |
||
− | |||
− | RUN YOU IDIOTS! |
||
− | |||
− | KEEPERS |
||
− | |||
− | STOP! |
||
− | |||
− | SOUND: The companions all start running |
||
− | |||
− | KEANU |
||
− | |||
− | We'd rather not, if that's okay! |
||
− | |||
− | COLIN |
||
− | |||
− | Where are we going? |
||
− | |||
− | BIANKA |
||
− | |||
− | I don't know, but we need to get the you know what out of here. |
||
− | |||
− | COLIN |
||
− | |||
− | I know what what? |
||
− | |||
− | WEALYNN |
||
− | |||
− | (from behind them) |
||
− | |||
− | ''Incende''! |
||
− | |||
− | SOUND: FIREBALL |
||
− | |||
− | COMPANIONS |
||
− | |||
− | Woah!/ Ohhhh/ etc |
||
− | |||
− | GILBERT |
||
− | |||
− | Are they shooting fireballs at us?! |
||
− | |||
− | CAMILLA |
||
− | |||
− | It certainly seems like it! |
||
− | |||
− | BARD |
||
− | |||
− | And it certainly seems like the Companions have gotten themselves in a ''heated'' situation. Will they find a way to cool things down? |
||
− | |||
− | COMPANIONS |
||
− | |||
− | <nowiki>*</nowiki>groan* |
||
− | |||
− | BARD |
||
− | |||
− | Find out next week in the season finale of THE ADVENTURES OF SIR RODNEY THE ROOT! |
Revision as of 20:38, 19 January 2020
NARRATOR
Welcome dear listeners, to the Adventures of Sir Rodney the Root!
SCENE 1. EXT. GATES OF AMARANTHYNE. [AUDIO FROM PREVIOUS EP]
SOUND: Keanu is GALLOPING full speed. GUARDS are in pursuit.
GILBERT
Keanu, stop! There's no way we can survive that fall!
KEANU
Okay!
FAENDYR
No- Keanu, full speed ahead.
KEANU
Okay!
CAMILLA
We'll be killed, you idiot!
FAENDYR
Not if I have anything to do with it.
CAMILLA
Oh no, no, no, no.
FAENDYR
Do you trust me?
GILBERT & COlin & Keanu
Yes.
CAMILLA
No!
BIANKA
I'm reserving judgement.
KEANU
Hold on to your butts, my dudes!
SOUND: Keanu LEAPS. WIND Whistles
BEGIN NEW AUDIO
COMPANIONS
(scream)
COLIN
Yaaaaayyyy!
BARD
And they were all dashed on the rocks at the bottom of the cliff! Just kidding. Can you imagine? "They all died. The End. Thanks for listening!" Ah right. You want to know how it ends. So this is what really happened
SCENE 2. EXT. COUNTRYSIDE (RIPPLING BROOK).
SOUND: Idyllic nature sounds for a moment (same ambient as Episodes 1-2), then:
SOUND: PORTAL.
COMPANIONS
(screaming)
COLIN
Yaaaaayyyy!
SOUND: Keanu comes through the portal with the Companions. They land with a thud, tumbling over each other.
COMPANIONS
Ow / Oofff / etc.
COLIN
That was fun! Can we do it again?
GILBERT
You did it, Faendyr! You actually cast a portal!
FAENDYR
Wait... it worked?
KEVIN
*excited squeak*
GILBERT
Is everyone okay?
KEANU
Uhhhhh. Lemme check...
(horrified)
Oh my god!
GILBERT
What's wrong?!
KEANU
Nevermind, I forgot I have four legs. I'm cool.
CAMILLA
Bianka, are you alright?
BIANKA
Yeah. I'm pretty hard to hurt. I'm very dense. Physically, that is.
FAENDYR
I legit thought we were going to die. I can't believe that actually worked.
CAMILLA
You thought we were WHAT?!
KEANU
That's so cool!
COLIN
It was probably Keanu!
KEANU
Yeah, totally. Wait, what did I do?
COLIN
Unicorn magic, Keanu! You probably enhanced Faendyr's magical powers and let him cast the portal!
KEANU
Oh yeah! Totally! Probably.
GILBERT
Where are we?
FAENDYR
Honestly, I have no idea.
CAMILLA
You have no idea?!
FAENDYR
I was more concerned about actually casting the portal than where it was going, okay?
CAMILLA
What if you had dropped us in the middle of the Glass Sea or dashed us onto the treacherous peaks of the Thundering Mountain?!
FAENDYR
I didn't though. So. You're welcome.
GILBERT
Hold on. This place seems familiar...
HEAD VILLAGER
(from far away:)
Hail and well met, travelers from the skies! Welcome to Ripping Brook...
CAMILLA
Oh gods.
COLIN
Ooooh! I know where we are!
HEAD VILLAGER
What may we-- Oh. Oh no.
FAENDYR
The feeling is mutual, trust me.
HEAD VILLAGER
We just finished burying the orcs...
GILBERT
It's been two months.
HEAD VILLAGER
Well, we had the artisanal cheese festival to prepare for and that had to take priority.
FAENDYR
Oh my gods.
COLIN
Ooooh! The cheese festival was my favorite!
BIANKA
What is it with humans and cheese?
FAENDYR
Yeah I don‘t get it.
CAMILLA
Never speak ill of cheese.
GILBERT
Cheese is the best thing ever.
COLIN
Silence, infidels!
HEAD VILLAGER
What is wrong with you??
HEAD VILLAGER
Then during the festival these three travelers came through. They caused so much trouble! The dwarf kept hitting on all of the plants, the elf swindled a bunch of villagers out of their coin - and the human just kept rushing into things. It took us weeks to fix all the damage they caused. I assumed they were friends of yours.
FAENDYR
We don't really do "friends."
HEAD VILLAGER
And then! Lord Peerless came looking for the Princess Camilla and he was... very put out when he learned we let you leave with Olfga and her boys.
CAMILLA
You didn't "let" me leave, you handed me over to them, you traitor.
BIANKA
Oooh. So that's how you ended up in Jade Reach.
GILBERT
More or less.
BIANKA
I figured you couldn't have gotten there on your own. No offence.
HEAD VILLAGER
Yes, about that unfortunate incident--
KEANU
Hi, I'm a unicorn.
HEAD VILLAGER
Uh, yes, I see that. Hello.
I'm sorry, your majesty, but we have to let Lord Peerless know you're here.
CAMILLA
Very well.
OTHERS
Wait, what?
CAMILLA
Send your raven. Let him know I'm here.
HEAD VILLAGER
We... don't have carrier ravens.
CAMILLA
I am shocked.
(she's not)
HEAD VILLAGER
We send him our messages via our monthly cheese deliveries. We inscribe them on our cheese rinds.
CAMILLA
Of course you do. Well, better hop to it then.
It will only take, what?, two days to reach his estate?
HEAD VILLAGER
Three, most likely. Our cows move very slowly.
CAMILLA
We'll be on our way tomorrow, so they'd better hurry.
Take us to your inn, we require a place to spend the night.
HEAD VILLAGER
We're a very small and inconsequential village. No one ever comes through here, well except for you all, evidently.
That is to say, we don't have an inn.
CAMILLA
Sir Peerless will be very upset to hear you forced his betrothed to sleep out of doors. In the elements. At the mercy of marauding orc mercenaries.
HEAD VILLAGER
No, um, I'll- I'll let you sleep in my house. And before you say anything, I'll sleep outside.
CAMILLA
Perfect.
MUSIC: TRANSITION
SCENE 3. INT. HEAD VILLAGERS' HOUSE.
SOUND: The door opens. The Companions walk in, expect for Keanu.
CAMILLA
Well. This is depressing. No wonder that man is so miserable.
GILBERT
I don't know. Reminds me of my parents' home.
FAENDYR
That is so sad.
BIANKA
Hey Stretch? Your privilege is showing.
FAENDYR
It's not privilege, it's good taste.
KEANU
(from outside)
Hey guys, what about me?
GILBERT
Can you fit through the door?
KEANU
I'm not a big fan of the indoors since that vampire, like, tried to eat me.
FAENDYR
In that case, see you in the morning, sleep tight.
SOUND: DOOR CLOSES.
KEANU
(voice muffled by the door)
Um yeah okay.
COLIN
Make yourself comfortable, everyone. I'll get the cheese!
KEANU
(muffled)
Hey bud, can I have some too?
SOUND: Colin runs and opens a cupboard. Maybe the sound of him running back and forth and getting dishes and wheels of cheese.
CAMILLA
Colin? You seem very familiar with this home.
COLIN
This was my family's house!
EVERYONE
(wtf)
BIANKA
Are you sure?
COLIN
Right here is the crawlspace my siblings would lock me in. See?
SOUND: small door opening
COLIN
This space and I spent a lot of time together.
CAMILLA
Your siblings locked you in a cupboard?!
GILBERT
You're an only child, huh?
COLIN
And they pulled my hair and called me all sorts of cruel names! Even the babies.
KEANU
(muffled)
That's horrible, little dude.
COLIN
It's alright! That's how I learned to talk to rodents! And my whole family are long dead and rotted, so who has the last laugh now, hm?
KEVIN
*squeaking in agreement*
EVERYONE ELSE
(yikes)
KEANU
(muffled)
Hey guys? ... Guys? I'm lonely.
COLIN
Here!
SOUND: Window opens
COLIN
You can stick your head in through this window!
KEANU
Oh! Niiiiiice!
(now inside)
'Sup, my dudes?
BIANKA
Wait... so if you learned to talk to mice while you were locked in the cupboard, does that mean you talking to animals isn't magic then?
GILBERT
I'm around horses all the time and I can't speak their language.
COLIN
Have you tried, though?
GILBERT
Well, no.
CAMILLA
Speaking of magic.
Faendyr, I believe you have some things to explain.
FAENDYR
(nervous)
Ha ha... yeah.
GILBERT
What did the Empress mean by crimes against the Imperium?
FAENDYR
Let me explain... No... let me sum up. Well, actually, it'd be better if I--
CAMILLA
The short version, please.
FAENDYR
Basically? I'm...
COLIN
It's okay, you can tell us! You'll feel better when you do.
FAENDYR
I'm... a fraud.
No, Colin, I feel worse.
CAMILLA
I knew it! I knew you had no idea what you were doing!
COLIN
Do you need a hug?
FAENDYR
No, I'm---
COLIN
Hug!
FAENDYR
Thanks Colin.
COLIN
You're welcome.
FAENDYR
I'm not a total liar. I just... never actually graduated.
CAMILLA
Oh my gods.
BIANKA
What's the big deal? I never completed school.
COLIN
And I still don't know what a schools is!
CAMILLA
Faendyr was hired by my father to be his official Master of the Arcane Arts. It is an incredibly prestigious position. Anyone who claims that title must have spent at least a quarter of a century of study at The Mage's College.
GILBERT
How many years did you complete?
FAENDYR
Ummm...
GILBERT
Twenty?
FAENDYR
Nooo...
GILBERT
Ten??
FAENDYR
Less?
GILBERT
Oh my gods, five?!
FAENDYR
One, actually.
KEANU
Niiiiiiiice! You only need one year?!
CAMILLA
My father trusted you!
GILBERT
What happened?
FAENDYR
I fully intended to graduate, I really did! But... then I kind of burnt down a wing of the College? Accidentally.
KEANU
I understand. An "accident".
FAENDYR
No, it was an accident.
KEANU
(wink)
Of course. Sure.
FAENDYR
One of my responsibilities as a first year student was ironing the professors' robes. I thought ironing would be a lot easier if I used steam instead. You know, putting my enterprising mind to good use.
CAMILLA
Uh huh.
FAENDYR
And I may have accidentally cast a fireball when I meant to cast a simple candle spell and... set the robes on fire?
GILBERT
They are very flammable.
FAENDYR
They really are.
And then the rest of the room caught on fire...
KEANU
Oohh mannnn!
FAENDYR
And then the whole dorm wing. And well, so on. So, I, uh... just kind of expelled myself?
BIANKA
You fled the scene?
FAENDYR
... Yes.
GILBERT
So that's your crime?
FAENDYR
Um... no. You know my grimoire? ... My magic book, Gil.
GILBERT
I knew what you meant.
(he didn't)
FAENDYR
Here, Camilla, you read Elvish.
SOUND: He slides the book across the table. Camilla opens it.
CAMILLA
"Textbook for Magic 101... Property of the Library at The Mages' College." This is a textbook?
FAENDYR
A library rental, specifically.
CAMILLA
So, you ran away from home with a stolen library book and showed up at my father's court calling yourself an arcane specialist with decades of training.
FAENDYR
Centuries, actually. Go big or go home, right?
BIANKA
You're not helping yourself, bud.
FAENDYR
And I didn't go straight to Kirkland. I did spend a couple years claiming to be an Elvish prince who'd fallen on hard times.
BIANKA
Oh man.
FAENDYR
Which isn't entirely a lie! And in terms of the court mage thing, Alfred didn't ask for any references. I mean, that's just basic hiring practices right there, so this is kind of his fault if you think about it.
CAMILLA
This is the stupidest thing I have ever heard.
FAENDYR
Really? You were there when your father started an international incident over some chickens.
GILBERT
Can we not bring the Chicken Affair into this?
FAENDYR
Are you going to tell your dad?
CAMILLA
I haven't decided yet.
FAENDYR
I did save our lives.
CAMILLA
From a situation that you created!
FAENDYR
That's fair.
GILBERT
Alright Bianka. Your turn. Who do you work for?
BIANKA
They're called the Keepers.
FAENDYR
Wait... I've heard of them.
BIANKA
Really? How?
FAENDYR
Honestly, you wouldn't believe me if I told you.
GILBERT
The Keepers?
BIANKA
They are obsessed with secrecy.
People like me, Seekers, collect Unholy Relics. That's as far as my responsibilities go. I don't know what happens next, that's way above my pay grade. But I do know that they think keeping Relics out of the hands of mages will prevent another Demon War.
FAENDYR
(it's all making sense now)
Ooooh.
UXELLODUNON, CONSUMER OF FLESH
They believe they can control the fate of their dimension. Fools.
FAENDYR
Shhh, Fleshy!
GILBERT
Are you talking to your staff?
UXELLODUNON, CONSUMER OF FLESH
They are like ants striving to divert the flow of a river.
FAENDYR
... No. Sorry, go on Bianka.
BIANKA
The person I report to is called the Inquisitor. But they're not calling the shots. That's the Inquisitor General, and no one ever sees them.
UXELLODUNON, CONSUMER OF FLESH
They believe by cowering in the shadows they can save themselves.
BIANKA
Listen- that's really all I know. And the less you go asking around, the better. As far as they're concerned, the ends justify the means. I mean, you met Olivier.
GILBERT
He threatened Colin. That's why we fought.
BIANKA
They don't really care what they have to do to get the Relics. But they're good at what they do.
GILBERT
Unlike us.
BIANKA
Well, I mean, they're...
GILBERT
Competent?
BIANKA
Yeah? No offense.
FAENDYR
I for one fully accept our shortcomings. Competent is not a word that I would use to describe us.
KEANU
I, like, died and came back as a magical horse though? So I mean, I feel like I came out ahead.
CAMILLA
And I have a duchy now.
KEANU
Yeah, the Princess and I are doing fine, thanks.
BIANKA
My assignment was to extricate the Consumer of Flesh from the museum.
Obviously, we all know how that went.
GILBERT
Why did you decide to help us?
BIANKA
Honestly? I don't know. Morbid curiosity? I was bored? Listen. I know how this looks, I'm not an idiot. The Keepers were just my ticket out of my old life. Which wasn't super, by the way. Money is money. For a lot of us in this world, we have to get it however we can. We can't be cute about it. Scruples don't pay the rent.
FAENDYR
Exactly.
CAMILLA
You stay out of this.
BIANKA
I can fix this.
I know where the Hungering Band is. Keeper Richard-- that jerk who took the Relic-- he and I were meeting up with a mage who would transport us to headquarters. Tomorrow, it'll be at the gate to Jade Reach.
CAMILLA
Why are you still helping us?
BIANKA
Isn't it obvious?
CAMILLA
I need more than that.
BIANKA
You guys are going on a crazy convoluted fetch quest all around the continent just to help a friend. That means a lot to me.
FAENDYR
I think there's a little more to it than that. At least for some of us. Right, Gil?
GILBERT
What?
FAENDYR
Something you want to share with the group?
GILBERT
... No?
CAMILLA
Alright. Let's talk logistics. Bianka, what weakenss do Richard and this mage have?
UXELLODUNON, CONSUMER OF FLESH
Do you really trust the dwarf? Do you think she has your interests at heart?
FAENDYR
Wait, wait, wait. So that's it? We're all just cool with Bianka basically stabbing us in the back?
BIANKA
I came clean. What more do you want?
FAENDYR
This isn't some mechanical device you can just fix by turning a couple gears.
How do we know this isn't a trap and she's still working for the Keepers and lying to us so she can bring Fleshy to them?
GILBERT
Please stop calling it that.
BIANKA
Truth be told? You don't.
CAMILLA
I trust her.
FAENDYR
Of course you do.
CAMILLA
What's that supposed to mean?
FAENDYR
You have a dwarf-shaped blind spot!
CAMILLA
I will remind you that you are speaking to the Crown Princess of Kirkland. The Crown Princess who will decide if her father needs to know that his court mage is a fraud.
FAENDYR
Fine. We'll give Bianka a chance to prove herself. But I swear to the gods if she's still lying...
BIANKA
I'm not.
FAENDYR
Okay then.
BIANKA
Okay.
FAENDYR
Fine.
BIANKA
Good.
FAENDYR
Good!
BIANKA
Okay.
FAENDYR
Great.
(awkward pause. Keanu clears his throat.)
KEANU
Hey, um... this is probably a bad time, but I, like, never got any of that cheese?
TRANSITION
SCENE 4. EXT. ENTRANCE TO JADE REACH.
A sense of a wide, open space at some elevation. Same as episode 3.
SOUND: Portal
FAENDYR
Well. Here we are.
KEANU
Where is here?
COLIN
Oh! This is where the giant metal giant lives!
SOUND: The companions walk out of the portal.
BIANKA
You know, Stretch, it's too bad you didn't figure out how to cast portals like a month ago.
KEANU
Yeah, that would have saved us like a ton of walking.
SOUND: Portal closes.
FAENDYR
If you keep complaining you can walk all the way back to Kirkland.
BIANKA
Keeper Richard should be meeting up with Keeper Waelynn at any moment. I'll distract them, while you all stay out of sight.
Then Faendyr shoots some fireballs and Gil looks scary, and I'll make off with the Relic. Then we all portal back to the capital. The End.
GILBERT
Sounds simple enough.
FAENDYR
I'm sure we'll find a way to mess it up. I mean, just going by precedent.
KEANU
True true true.
COLIN
What do I do?
BIANKA
Stay hidden. And quiet.
COLIN
But that's boring.
BIANKA
It's a very important job.
COLIN
I'm not a baby.
SOUND: Footsteps further off.
BIANKA
There's Keeper Richard. Get down. Waelynn should be up in a minute. Stay hidden until I give the word.
GILBERT
Wait, what's the word?
KEANU
Pickles?
BIANKA
... Sure.
I'll be back.
SOUND: She walks away.
SCENE 5. EXT. BY THE ENTRANCE.
SOUND: An elevator approaches.
SOUND: Dwarven gate opens.
AUTOMATON
We have arrived at the surface level. We hope you have enjoyed your visit to Jade Reach. Please come again.
KEEPER WAELYNN
Thank you for your assistance, as always.
Hello, Keeper Richard.
KEEPER RICHARD
Keeper Waelynn. I trust your mission was a success.
KEEPER WAELYNN
Just a few hiccups, but nothing I couldn't handle. And yours?
SOUND: Dwarven gate closes.
KEEPER RICHARD
I have the Relic. I am unsure of Keeper Olivier's location. He was going to collect Uxellodunon's staff, but he wasn't at the rendezvous when I left Amaranthyne. And Seeker Bianka refused to accompany me.
KEEPER WAELYNN
That's odd. Have you sent word to the Inquisitor?
KEEPER RICHARD
Not yet. I assumed it would be a better discussion to have in person.
SOUND: BIANKA walks up.
Scene 5.2
KEEPER WAELYNN
Someone's coming.
BIANKA
Hey guys.
KEEPER RICHARD
Seeker Bianka?
KEEPER WAELYNN
I thought you said she stayed in Amaranthyne.
KEEPER RICHARD
What are you doing here?
BIANKA
It's a crazy story, actually. Really convoluted. Woah. And long. So, so long.
KEEPER RICHARD
I'd like to hear it.
BIANKA
You would?
KEEPER RICHARD
Very much.
BIANKA
Um. I doubt Keeper Waelynn wants to...
KEEPER WAELYNN
I don't mind.
BIANKA
Ummmm are you sure? I mean, it's loooong. Super long. And kind of weird, honestly?
KEEPER WAELYNN
We don't have to be back until vespers. And I love a good story.
BIANKA
Haha. Um. Okay. Well... Picture this: Inquistor sends me to Jade Reach. So, I start my day with a nice healthy breakfast. I've tried the new omletes, but just the egg white. Okay but anyway, moving on. I get to Jade Reach....
SCENE 6. EXT. FURTHER BACK.
SOUND: Bianka spinning a tale in the distance.
FAENDYR
Well, Gil. This is the last thing we need to get Rodney out of that root.
GILBERT
Yeah.
FAENDYR
Are you excited?
GILBERT
Anxious more than anything if I'm honest.
FAENDYR
Really?
GILBERT
I mean, we don't know for sure if it will work.
CAMILLA
Or if he's even still alive...
GILBERT
And if it does work... well, it's complicated.
CAMILLA
What's going on over there?
KEANU
Uhhhhh, looks like she's still talking.
CAMILLA
Still? What's taking so long?
GILBERT
Come on Bianka, just grab the relic...
FAENDYR
Hold on. Are we supposed to distract them so she can grab it?
GILBERT
Maybe?
KEANU
Wait no- did she say the word?
COLIN
I don't know, what was the word?
KEANU
I don't know. Wait, wasn't it pickles?
COLIN
Or was it "sure"?
KEVIN
*squeak*
COLIN
No, that wasn't it.
CAMILLA
Oh my gods.
BIANKA
(in the distance)
PICKLES!
GILBERT
Wait, did she say something?
FAENDYR
Maybe?
BIANKA
(louder)
PICKLES!
CAMILLA
I think she did.
KEANU
Was it "pickles" or "sure"?
BIANKA
PICKLES! FOR THE LOVE OF THE GODS, PICKLES!!!
FAENDYR
She said pickles.
GILBERT
Oh, fungus!
SCENE 7. EXT. BY THE ENTRANCE.
KEEPER WAELYNN
Are you alright, Bianka?
KEEPER RICHARD
Stop. What's that? Over there by that outcropping.
KEEPER WAELYNN
Is that a unicorn?
BIANKA
It's probably just a mountain goat.
KEEPER WAELYNN
Are those people? Behind that rock.
BIANKA
It looks like a mage and a warrior. And...
(Notices Colin; annoyed sigh)
Oh my gods. Is that a gnome?
COLIN
(in the distance)
Roar!
GILBERT
(in the distance)
No, Colin!
BIANKA
Wow. They look like bad news. You should probably go. I'll take care of them.
KEEPER RICHARD
A moment. Isn't that the knight you were with, Bianka?
BIANKA
Uhhhh. No?
KEEPER RICHARD
It looks just like him.
BIANKA
I mean all humans look the same.
KEEPER WAELYNN
They really do.
KEEPER RICHARD
No. It's him. I'm positive.
BIANKA
It can't be.
KEEPER WAELYNN
Hold on. That mage has a relic.
KEEPER RICHARD
Bianka, isn't that the Consumer of Flesh?
BIANKA
Fungus. Uhhhh. Maybe? Stay here. I'll... be back.
SOUND: BIANKA RUNS AT BREAKNECK SPEED
KEEPER WAELYNN
What's going on?
SCENE 8. BOULDERS
SOUND: Bianka is running towards them
GILBERT
Wait, why is she running towards us? This is part of the plan, right?
KEANU
Wow. She's fast. I mean, considering.
FAENDYR
Should we do something?
SOUND: Bianka has arrived
BIANKA
Run!
CAMILLA
Oh f- foot and mouth.
SOUND: The companions all stand up
BIANKA
RUN YOU IDIOTS!
KEEPERS
STOP!
SOUND: The companions all start running
KEANU
We'd rather not, if that's okay!
COLIN
Where are we going?
BIANKA
I don't know, but we need to get the you know what out of here.
COLIN
I know what what?
WEALYNN
(from behind them)
Incende!
SOUND: FIREBALL
COMPANIONS
Woah!/ Ohhhh/ etc
GILBERT
Are they shooting fireballs at us?!
CAMILLA
It certainly seems like it!
BARD
And it certainly seems like the Companions have gotten themselves in a heated situation. Will they find a way to cool things down?
COMPANIONS
*groan*
BARD
Find out next time in the season finale of THE ADVENTURES OF SIR RODNEY THE ROOT!
CREDITS
BLOOPER
ANDREW
But he wasn't at the rendevouz. Hm. Sorry. One more time.
MICHAEL
It's "U-zello-dun-on"
ANDREW
Uxellodunon. Yeah. Uxello-Lena-Dunham. Uxellodunon. Uxellodunon? Uxellodunon! Okay. Ah hem.